Me: works rideshare on my " off day" today. Me: Takes in car for maintenance on my off day. Me: asks hubby along to do grocery shopping. Me: cleans kitchen, cooks dinner and puts away tons of groceries. Me: finds spoiled milk gallon nearly half full in cupboard where dry goods are kept. Me: sees husband and calmly asks him to take a look at what I see there. Husband: Sees dissapointment in my face and eyes at his continued carelessness. I did not speak a word. He says, " wow thats not good", pours out the clumped milk and calmly goes up to his room.
Husband: Comes back down a few min later and says that I cause him daily panic and he will not be eating the food which I have cooked for us because I am a panic inducing tyrant.
Your tactics for gaining help and partnership are obviously not working… are you being passive aggressive? My wife used to be very naggy at times, and when she is, I tell her that she won’t get anything acting that way, if she needs help or wants something done, than be an adult and have a conversation. It has been much better since I have taken this approach.
She felt she shouldn’t have to ask, and maybe she shouldn’t have had to… but we are all different people who have our own thoughts and our own ambitions. What is important to one of you may not be important to the other.
Try something for me…. Find a very interesting painting or picture, one with a lot going on, no real focus… maybe like a Waldo book. Each of you look at it for a few minutes together and write down everything you found interesting or unique… you both looked at the same picture, at the same time, but you both had a different perspective… what you felt was important or interesting will not be the same for your husband, and we need to remember that.
Life isn’t about who does more than the other, life as a partnership is about solving issues together. Fighting makes nothing better, the enemy is not your husband, and you are not the enemy of your husband. When an issue comes up, it is better to look at the fight you are about to start and pursue the problem together, because after all, a partner should make life easier not harder. The enemy is the issues, your spouse is the solution. Remember this always.
@Tryingtofindabalance You are right life isin't about who does more but he is doing practically nothing. I have accepted to do nearly everything but when I then come home to find so many careless actions such as the new half gallon of milk left in a hot cupboard to rot or his chewed gum left on my desk which sticks to my PC mouse how often can I ask that he pay more attention? It becomess a nag situation because each day I'm asking about these situations. I'm not even really asking for help at this point.
@REMsleep Fair enough. Not an unreasonable request at all. Someone will need to budge at some point unless throwing yourselves at the wall constantly is a relationship dynamic.
@mysteryespresso I can't. Me repeatedly telling him these things is causing him " stress". He says that I complain too much and he can't stand it that he is now jumpy
@mysteryespresso Hmmm if I communicate but the person keeps treating each new careless action as an unrelated mistake and he prefers not to dwell on anything then I don't think that my communication style can correct the core problem which is my goal.
