Wrote a note to her but didn't actually send it
I wish I could lose these feelings as fast as you left me. I wish I could FEEL as contented and together as I look.
Your silence is deafening, so much so that I think I might need hearing aids due to loss of hearing. I can't help but wonder what's happening with you every single second of every day. How are you? How are things going with your bf? How's the job hunting process? How's your family?
Feelings of melancholy and betrayal continues to linger with no clear sight of an actual finish line. I think I might be in for the long haul with this emotional rollercoaster. I can't seem to stop thinking about alllllllllll the amazing moments we spent together but I don't want to honestly.
I WANT to remember the times you hurt me, the times you put me down, the times you were so bitter and hateful, all those times you disposed of me like trash. Unfortunately, my mind seemed to have CONVENIENTLY suppressed all those memories and have given me the supposedly good ones.
I miss you, I miss you so much. I keep thinking that someday, you're gonna text me again and you'll be available and we'll finally get together, no strings attached. I'm now realizing that I'm going through motions and finally allowing myself to experience the grief in its entirety. It's been a bittersweet sensation I tell ya.
I always knew we would burn but I never knew it would hurt this much. I still see and smell the flames from our badly burnt relationship. It was so bad when we were together, toxicity as its absolute best but I was too engulfed in your charm, beauty and that thing we call "love."
I never wanted to let you go, I wasnt ready to imagine a life without you in it but also, my tranquility and serenity wasn't really worth it and it wasnt until now, that I'm able to see this. I still think about you and consider the what ifs. They're plenty tbh.
I keep wondering if anyone will ever make my body feel the way you did? do all those things that set me on fire? I'm not at that stage yet where I can REMOTELY see myself intimately with another.
I can't believe that after 4 years of protecting my emotional state and being completely unattached, this is how it all ends. Smh...I keep wondering if you ever think of me? If you ever cry when you do? If you even miss me at all?
My friends are all breathing a sigh of relief now that we've separated. They always thought we weren't ever good together, they saw all the red flags that I chose to bypass. They're so freaking proud of how much I've held my own and NOT contacted you in the face of adversary. I love them so much. I couldn't have gotten through this without them.
I love you, I don't think I ever will anytime soon. I keep hanging on to that "better in time" notion and hoping it works out soon because I GENUINELY want to move on and love another girl even more than I did you. When we first met, you told me that no matter what life threw your way, you'd always keep loving.
I will bounce back, I'm confident I will. I'm having amazing conversations with Tiffany now btw. She basically played the part of your understudy this entire time. She actually liked me this entire time and I can't imagine how absolutely horrifying if might've been for her watching me break loving you. She's everything you're not tbh and I really love how she doesn't remind me of ANYTHING that happened when we were together. She's embodying j an unbroken version of a girl I could really fall in love with and I'm excited to see how this chapter plays out.
I hope you really work on your unresolved childhood traumas. I think one of the many reasons we didn't work out was because of unresolved past issues we're both suppressing which subconsciously manifests itself when we communicate with each other. I'm sorry I couldn't trust you enough to share that side of me and I'm really sorry u felt trust was badly broken that u couldn't confide in me. You have your person though so I'm sure you'll be alright.
I truly wish you the best..trust me, I dont have any sort of resentment or feelings of hate or anguish when I think of you.
Your silence is deafening, so much so that I think I might need hearing aids due to loss of hearing. I can't help but wonder what's happening with you every single second of every day. How are you? How are things going with your bf? How's the job hunting process? How's your family?
Feelings of melancholy and betrayal continues to linger with no clear sight of an actual finish line. I think I might be in for the long haul with this emotional rollercoaster. I can't seem to stop thinking about alllllllllll the amazing moments we spent together but I don't want to honestly.
I WANT to remember the times you hurt me, the times you put me down, the times you were so bitter and hateful, all those times you disposed of me like trash. Unfortunately, my mind seemed to have CONVENIENTLY suppressed all those memories and have given me the supposedly good ones.
I miss you, I miss you so much. I keep thinking that someday, you're gonna text me again and you'll be available and we'll finally get together, no strings attached. I'm now realizing that I'm going through motions and finally allowing myself to experience the grief in its entirety. It's been a bittersweet sensation I tell ya.
I always knew we would burn but I never knew it would hurt this much. I still see and smell the flames from our badly burnt relationship. It was so bad when we were together, toxicity as its absolute best but I was too engulfed in your charm, beauty and that thing we call "love."
I never wanted to let you go, I wasnt ready to imagine a life without you in it but also, my tranquility and serenity wasn't really worth it and it wasnt until now, that I'm able to see this. I still think about you and consider the what ifs. They're plenty tbh.
I keep wondering if anyone will ever make my body feel the way you did? do all those things that set me on fire? I'm not at that stage yet where I can REMOTELY see myself intimately with another.
I can't believe that after 4 years of protecting my emotional state and being completely unattached, this is how it all ends. Smh...I keep wondering if you ever think of me? If you ever cry when you do? If you even miss me at all?
My friends are all breathing a sigh of relief now that we've separated. They always thought we weren't ever good together, they saw all the red flags that I chose to bypass. They're so freaking proud of how much I've held my own and NOT contacted you in the face of adversary. I love them so much. I couldn't have gotten through this without them.
I love you, I don't think I ever will anytime soon. I keep hanging on to that "better in time" notion and hoping it works out soon because I GENUINELY want to move on and love another girl even more than I did you. When we first met, you told me that no matter what life threw your way, you'd always keep loving.
I will bounce back, I'm confident I will. I'm having amazing conversations with Tiffany now btw. She basically played the part of your understudy this entire time. She actually liked me this entire time and I can't imagine how absolutely horrifying if might've been for her watching me break loving you. She's everything you're not tbh and I really love how she doesn't remind me of ANYTHING that happened when we were together. She's embodying j an unbroken version of a girl I could really fall in love with and I'm excited to see how this chapter plays out.
I hope you really work on your unresolved childhood traumas. I think one of the many reasons we didn't work out was because of unresolved past issues we're both suppressing which subconsciously manifests itself when we communicate with each other. I'm sorry I couldn't trust you enough to share that side of me and I'm really sorry u felt trust was badly broken that u couldn't confide in me. You have your person though so I'm sure you'll be alright.
I truly wish you the best..trust me, I dont have any sort of resentment or feelings of hate or anguish when I think of you.
26-30, F
