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Tastyfrzz · 61-69, M
The Perfect Man
Once upon a time in a quiet forest cottage there lived a girl with her poor aging mother. After her father had died the girl be came the “man of the house” and took on the chores.
There were sheep and chickens and gardening, cutting firewood and getting water from the nearby stream. She liked the work and didn’t mind dressing in work clothes. She loved her mother and took care of her as best she could and trusted her completely even though her mother rarely let her leave the cottage and go to the town many miles away after the father died. He had left them some money so they got by. Many young men came to ask for her hand in marriage as there were not many eligible girls in the forest but her mother was afraid she would be left alone so she would always point out their flaws and in fact she even kept a list of them. As each boy came by they’d either be too poor, too thin, too fat, too vain, too smart, too cheap, too ambitious, too lazy, too much hair, too little hair, too poorly dressed, … And sometimes she would find some small detail and send the men away and add the issue to the list. She would chide and deride them as they glumly slunk down the path through the forest. Her laughter echoing in the trees behind them. The girl didn’t really care one way or the other. She wasn’t really that interested in men and had more than enough to keep her busy. To her a man would be just another mouth to feed and another pair of socks to mend. The list of her mothers’ became many feet in length and had to be rolled up. Consequently the number of men even bothering to come became less and less over time. And if anyone did show up it could take many hours to go through the list. Years went by. Eventually the mother died and the girl was all alone. No one had come by in a long, long time.
After burying her mother she soon became very lonely and leaving the dogs to watch the place she went on a walk down a path and went deeper and deeper into the woods. While on her walk it started to rain a cold bitter rain. The drops stinging her face and mixing with the tears that welled from her eyes. Finally she dropped to the ground by a log and sobbed incessantly. “Are you Ok”, a soft, concerned voice asked. She looked up to see another girl hiking down the path from the other direction towards her. The hiker knelt down and held the shaking cottage girl. Finally they got up and started walking back to the cottage. the girl from the cottage told the hiker of her isolation, her loneliness, her mothers’ death and her sorrow over all of the missed opportunities because of her mothers’ insecurity. “And now I’m too old!”. The hiker told her that she had left her abusive home and could not return.
The walk back was long and they shared many thoughts, dreams, tips, and knowledge of the forest. By the time they got inside it was quite late and they collapsed into the cottage girl’s bed. In the morning the cottage girl awoke to the smells of things baking, a porridge simmering, wild berry jam, and mint tea. The hiker was busy arranging some freshly cut wild flowers when the cottage girl came in. “Wow!” was all the cottage girl could say. The hiker girl was a bit embarrassed, “I’m sorry if I overstepped my bounds but you were so tired and there was nothing around for you to eat so I found a few things. I also cleaned up a bit. The house was spotless. It had never been so neat. “Thanks!” was all the cottage girl could say. They hugged a long time. Then the hiker girl made her sit down and eat.
As they were finishing off the last crumbs with jam the cottage girl said,
“You know, you’d make someone a good wife”.
“If you asked I’d say yes”, said the hiker girl.
“Just a sec”, said the cottage girl smiling and she jumped up and dragged over her mother’s list and put on the old wire rimmed spectacles that had been sitting on a shelf.
Giggling she said, “Ok, I’m just going to go through a few questions that my mother would ask my suitors”. Perching the reading glasses on the tip of her nose and peering over them and pursing her lips while trying not to laugh she started to slowly read the list.
Stopping after each word to examine the girl and look her over.
“Are you a, or are you:
==================================
Abusive
An Alcohoic
Aloof
Angry….,
Anxious
Aristocratic…,
Animalistic…,
Argumentative,…
Asleep,
Awful,
An Alley Cat
Avenging,
Babyish
Baby Faced
Ballsy
Beastly,
Bigoted
Boring,
Boorish,
Biting,
Bad,
Battered,
Bald,
Bashful,
Bent,
Bilking,
Blind
Boasting,
Beaten,
Boring….
A Buffoon,
Bumbler
Burping
Butt Head…
cantankerous
Cannibalistic…,
Clueless
Communist…,
Conservative Cretin,
Cowardly
Comb-over
Con Artist
Con Man
Crazy….,
Cheater,
Coarse, ……
Dastardly,
Dangerous,
Dated
Deadly Dental Hygiene..,
Deaf
Defeated,
Defrauding,
Dick
Depressed
Dictator…,
Dirty,
Dipshit,
Doorknob,
Dopey..,
Drug Addict
Drug Dealer,
Double Chinned,
Downcast
Downtrodden
Dumb
Elderly…,
Egghead,
Emotional
Evil…,
Exalted Ruler /Grand Pu-ba {Aka Dork),
Exasperating,
Eyesore…
Farsighted
Fascist,
Fastidious,
Fat,
Fearful.
Fetid,
Fink
Foul,
Frank,….
Fraud…,
Gamer…,
Gamy, ….
Gap Toothed
Gold Digger
Hated,
Hateful
Heartless
Howling,
Hysterical,
Handy As An Ax With No Handle,
Inattentive…,
Indignant,
Ill,
Icky,
Icy, …
Imbecile
Infantile
Infested
Insane
Insensitive
Insignificant
Jock Talker…
Joker…,
Jokester,
Jilted…,
Klutz…
Late
Liberal
Libertarian
Lonely
Long Haired
Loutish,
Low, ..
Liar
Mad,
Mealy Mouthed…,
Meat Head,
Mixed Up,
Misogynist,
Mysterious,
Milk Toast,
Misfit..,
Monkey Butt,
Moth Balls,
Muskie Bait, ..
Nasty
Near Sighted
Nice …
Nitwit…
Noisy,
Nose Hair
Oaf,
Oafish,
Odd,
Oily
Old,
One Legged,
One Toothed,
One Armed,
One Eyed,
One Eared,
Ornery…,
Overly Optimistic
Overweight…,
Pandering,
Pasty,
Patsy
Pessimist
Pickled..,
Picky,
Pipsqueak…,
Pointless…,
Poisonous
Pothead…,
Prepubescent
Pretty Boy,
Prick
Prickly
Prissy
Protestor…,
Puffed Up…
Pussy
Quitter,
Quiet,…
Quivering With Fear,…
Rank,
Rat,
Rat Fink
Religious Nut,
Republican
Reviled,
Right Wing
Risqué,
Rusty, …
Savage
Sexless…,
Sick…,
Sickly..,
Sissy,
Sad,
Sadist
Satanic,…
Simpleton
Somber,
[Sh*T: Head…,Faced,…For Brains]…,
Short Tempered
Shy,
Slack Jawed
Sleepy,
Slick
Sly
Smelly,
Smoker
Snorts
Socialist,
Soulless
Soul Sucker
Spits
Split Ends
Stoned
Stoner
Strict Vegetarian
Stupid
Stuttering
Sucks,
Sucker,
Swears Like A Sailor
Swindler…
Swine…,
Tainted
Tantrums
Terrible,
Terrorist….,
Traitor….,
Tedious,
Tense,
Timid,
Toe Fungus
Too Old
Too Tall,
Too Sexy
Too Short….
Too Well Endowed
Too Young
Twit
Ugly,
Ultimate Dork,
unappreciative
Unattractive
Uncouth,
Uncivilized,
Uncultured,
Undocumented
Unrefined,
Unshaved
Unsophisticated…,
Unwashed
Unwound
Verbally Un-armed,..
Vertically Challenged…,
Victimizer,
Vociferous,
Vulgar…,
Wanker…,
Weepy,
Windbag…,
Wiped,
Whipped…,
Womanizer,
Wound Up,
Wilted,
Wicked,
Witless, ..
Young,
Zealot
Zinger/Real…,
Zit Faced.”
Zoned Out
=================================
When she finished they were rolling on the floor laughing and gasping for breath.
When they finally gave their last chortle the cottage girl looked at the hiker girl and exclaimed, “According to this …….you’re perfect! ”
And they lived.
MT 2015
The message has been edited.
Tastyfrzz
61-69, M
Write a comment...
TOP | NEWEST FIRST | OLDEST FIRST
SW-User
This is very interesting. Sad and yet hopeful.
SW-User
Lol, I love this! I especially loved the ending "And they lived." While it was somewhat humorous, it was also beautiful and sad. I liked the depth of emotion that this takes the reader through. Thanks for sharing!
Tastyfrzz · 61-69, M
@SW-User the last one was the modern Viking funeral. I have a longer version at home on my PC.
PoetryNEmotion · 56-60, F
I remember reading this before! I didn't comment. I liked this. I thought it would have a different ending...No happily ever after? I think it was. Thank you.
Hasmita · M
That was great. That was beautiful. I resonate with that. Did you write it?
Tastyfrzz · 61-69, M
@Hasmita yes. All of the stories listed in there on top are mine. Thanks!
Tastyfrzz · 61-69, M
@Hasmita feel free to pass it on.
SimplyTracie · 22-25, F
I'm curious why you did not make the story more personal by giving the two women names.
Tastyfrzz · 61-69, M
@SimplyTracie: no idea
Tastyfrzz · 61-69, M
Story is here
Gravitybootz · 51-55, M
☺🌹
Tastyfrzz · 61-69, M
@Loulou: Thanks.
Write a comment...
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Once upon a time in a quiet forest cottage there lived a girl with her poor aging mother. After her father had died the girl be came the “man of the house” and took on the chores.
There were sheep and chickens and gardening, cutting firewood and getting water from the nearby stream. She liked the work and didn’t mind dressing in work clothes. She loved her mother and took care of her as best she could and trusted her completely even though her mother rarely let her leave the cottage and go to the town many miles away after the father died. He had left them some money so they got by. Many young men came to ask for her hand in marriage as there were not many eligible girls in the forest but her mother was afraid she would be left alone so she would always point out their flaws and in fact she even kept a list of them. As each boy came by they’d either be too poor, too thin, too fat, too vain, too smart, too cheap, too ambitious, too lazy, too much hair, too little hair, too poorly dressed, … And sometimes she would find some small detail and send the men away and add the issue to the list. She would chide and deride them as they glumly slunk down the path through the forest. Her laughter echoing in the trees behind them. The girl didn’t really care one way or the other. She wasn’t really that interested in men and had more than enough to keep her busy. To her a man would be just another mouth to feed and another pair of socks to mend. The list of her mothers’ became many feet in length and had to be rolled up. Consequently the number of men even bothering to come became less and less over time. And if anyone did show up it could take many hours to go through the list. Years went by. Eventually the mother died and the girl was all alone. No one had come by in a long, long time.
After burying her mother she soon became very lonely and leaving the dogs to watch the place she went on a walk down a path and went deeper and deeper into the woods. While on her walk it started to rain a cold bitter rain. The drops stinging her face and mixing with the tears that welled from her eyes. Finally she dropped to the ground by a log and sobbed incessantly. “Are you Ok”, a soft, concerned voice asked. She looked up to see another girl hiking down the path from the other direction towards her. The hiker knelt down and held the shaking cottage girl. Finally they got up and started walking back to the cottage. the girl from the cottage told the hiker of her isolation, her loneliness, her mothers’ death and her sorrow over all of the missed opportunities because of her mothers’ insecurity. “And now I’m too old!”. The hiker told her that she had left her abusive home and could not return.
The walk back was long and they shared many thoughts, dreams, tips, and knowledge of the forest. By the time they got inside it was quite late and they collapsed into the cottage girl’s bed. In the morning the cottage girl awoke to the smells of things baking, a porridge simmering, wild berry jam, and mint tea. The hiker was busy arranging some freshly cut wild flowers when the cottage girl came in. “Wow!” was all the cottage girl could say. The hiker girl was a bit embarrassed, “I’m sorry if I overstepped my bounds but you were so tired and there was nothing around for you to eat so I found a few things. I also cleaned up a bit. The house was spotless. It had never been so neat. “Thanks!” was all the cottage girl could say. They hugged a long time. Then the hiker girl made her sit down and eat.
As they were finishing off the last crumbs with jam the cottage girl said,
“You know, you’d make someone a good wife”.
“If you asked I’d say yes”, said the hiker girl.
“Just a sec”, said the cottage girl smiling and she jumped up and dragged over her mother’s list and put on the old wire rimmed spectacles that had been sitting on a shelf.
Giggling she said, “Ok, I’m just going to go through a few questions that my mother would ask my suitors”. Perching the reading glasses on the tip of her nose and peering over them and pursing her lips while trying not to laugh she started to slowly read the list.
Stopping after each word to examine the girl and look her over.
“Are you a, or are you:
==================================
Abusive
An Alcohoic
Aloof
Angry….,
Anxious
Aristocratic…,
Animalistic…,
Argumentative,…
Asleep,
Awful,
An Alley Cat
Avenging,
Babyish
Baby Faced
Ballsy
Beastly,
Bigoted
Boring,
Boorish,
Biting,
Bad,
Battered,
Bald,
Bashful,
Bent,
Bilking,
Blind
Boasting,
Beaten,
Boring….
A Buffoon,
Bumbler
Burping
Butt Head…
cantankerous
Cannibalistic…,
Clueless
Communist…,
Conservative Cretin,
Cowardly
Comb-over
Con Artist
Con Man
Crazy….,
Cheater,
Coarse, ……
Dastardly,
Dangerous,
Dated
Deadly Dental Hygiene..,
Deaf
Defeated,
Defrauding,
Dick
Depressed
Dictator…,
Dirty,
Dipshit,
Doorknob,
Dopey..,
Drug Addict
Drug Dealer,
Double Chinned,
Downcast
Downtrodden
Dumb
Elderly…,
Egghead,
Emotional
Evil…,
Exalted Ruler /Grand Pu-ba {Aka Dork),
Exasperating,
Eyesore…
Farsighted
Fascist,
Fastidious,
Fat,
Fearful.
Fetid,
Fink
Foul,
Frank,….
Fraud…,
Gamer…,
Gamy, ….
Gap Toothed
Gold Digger
Hated,
Hateful
Heartless
Howling,
Hysterical,
Handy As An Ax With No Handle,
Inattentive…,
Indignant,
Ill,
Icky,
Icy, …
Imbecile
Infantile
Infested
Insane
Insensitive
Insignificant
Jock Talker…
Joker…,
Jokester,
Jilted…,
Klutz…
Late
Liberal
Libertarian
Lonely
Long Haired
Loutish,
Low, ..
Liar
Mad,
Mealy Mouthed…,
Meat Head,
Mixed Up,
Misogynist,
Mysterious,
Milk Toast,
Misfit..,
Monkey Butt,
Moth Balls,
Muskie Bait, ..
Nasty
Near Sighted
Nice …
Nitwit…
Noisy,
Nose Hair
Oaf,
Oafish,
Odd,
Oily
Old,
One Legged,
One Toothed,
One Armed,
One Eyed,
One Eared,
Ornery…,
Overly Optimistic
Overweight…,
Pandering,
Pasty,
Patsy
Pessimist
Pickled..,
Picky,
Pipsqueak…,
Pointless…,
Poisonous
Pothead…,
Prepubescent
Pretty Boy,
Prick
Prickly
Prissy
Protestor…,
Puffed Up…
Pussy
Quitter,
Quiet,…
Quivering With Fear,…
Rank,
Rat,
Rat Fink
Religious Nut,
Republican
Reviled,
Right Wing
Risqué,
Rusty, …
Savage
Sexless…,
Sick…,
Sickly..,
Sissy,
Sad,
Sadist
Satanic,…
Simpleton
Somber,
[Sh*T: Head…,Faced,…For Brains]…,
Short Tempered
Shy,
Slack Jawed
Sleepy,
Slick
Sly
Smelly,
Smoker
Snorts
Socialist,
Soulless
Soul Sucker
Spits
Split Ends
Stoned
Stoner
Strict Vegetarian
Stupid
Stuttering
Sucks,
Sucker,
Swears Like A Sailor
Swindler…
Swine…,
Tainted
Tantrums
Terrible,
Terrorist….,
Traitor….,
Tedious,
Tense,
Timid,
Toe Fungus
Too Old
Too Tall,
Too Sexy
Too Short….
Too Well Endowed
Too Young
Twit
Ugly,
Ultimate Dork,
unappreciative
Unattractive
Uncouth,
Uncivilized,
Uncultured,
Undocumented
Unrefined,
Unshaved
Unsophisticated…,
Unwashed
Unwound
Verbally Un-armed,..
Vertically Challenged…,
Victimizer,
Vociferous,
Vulgar…,
Wanker…,
Weepy,
Windbag…,
Wiped,
Whipped…,
Womanizer,
Wound Up,
Wilted,
Wicked,
Witless, ..
Young,
Zealot
Zinger/Real…,
Zit Faced.”
Zoned Out
=================================
When she finished they were rolling on the floor laughing and gasping for breath.
When they finally gave their last chortle the cottage girl looked at the hiker girl and exclaimed, “According to this …….you’re perfect! ”
And they lived.
MT 2015
The message has been edited.
Tastyfrzz
61-69, M
Write a comment...
TOP | NEWEST FIRST | OLDEST FIRST
SW-User
This is very interesting. Sad and yet hopeful.
SW-User
Lol, I love this! I especially loved the ending "And they lived." While it was somewhat humorous, it was also beautiful and sad. I liked the depth of emotion that this takes the reader through. Thanks for sharing!
Tastyfrzz · 61-69, M
@SW-User the last one was the modern Viking funeral. I have a longer version at home on my PC.
PoetryNEmotion · 56-60, F
I remember reading this before! I didn't comment. I liked this. I thought it would have a different ending...No happily ever after? I think it was. Thank you.
Hasmita · M
That was great. That was beautiful. I resonate with that. Did you write it?
Tastyfrzz · 61-69, M
@Hasmita yes. All of the stories listed in there on top are mine. Thanks!
Tastyfrzz · 61-69, M
@Hasmita feel free to pass it on.
SimplyTracie · 22-25, F
I'm curious why you did not make the story more personal by giving the two women names.
Tastyfrzz · 61-69, M
@SimplyTracie: no idea
Tastyfrzz · 61-69, M
Story is here
Gravitybootz · 51-55, M
☺🌹
Tastyfrzz · 61-69, M
@Loulou: Thanks.
Write a comment...
Content: Regular Nudity Fetish Sensitive
Post Comment
2,457 people following
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New Post
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Sad
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Update
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DeWayfarer · 61-69, M
@Tastyfrzz be careful with the names of users when copying and pasting the whole post.
I'm certain none on this one would object, yet there are others that are not so nice about it.
I'm certain none on this one would object, yet there are others that are not so nice about it.
DeWayfarer · 61-69, M
@Tastyfrzz Understand. It can be difficult to just get the post or reply.
Been doing it so long now that it's almost second nature though.
What you can do is to select all and share it with a text editor to edit unwanted stuff.
Or just click the posts "share link" button on the post itself. Then select your text editor.
Of course you must have a simple text editing app to do that. Which I do have three of them.
Been doing it so long now that it's almost second nature though.
What you can do is to select all and share it with a text editor to edit unwanted stuff.
Or just click the posts "share link" button on the post itself. Then select your text editor.
Of course you must have a simple text editing app to do that. Which I do have three of them.