Starting to consider that I have a form of body dysmorphia

In fact I definitely do by definition. I tend to think I'm ugly, I don't apply that adjective to other people but I hate how I look most of the time. To the point where it will really affect my mood and make me feel sad. Really affects my self esteem, if other people tell me the opposite I either don't believe it or I think they're just being nice. I do have times where I feel I look good but I have that core belief still residing internally. Like people will look at me and think "aw he's trying regardless of how he looks".

It sucks, I feel like I don't even wanna turn up to dates sometimes because I feel like if they look dissapointed it'll really hurt. I hate having my picture taken by other people because of it. Anyway just venting and realising.

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canusernamebemyusername · M

Try to surround yourself with a lot of body positive stuff. Expand and diversify your idea of what you find beautiful. Look at models or even better, just regular people with conditions out of the ordinary like vitiligo or even mental conditions as they can be an inspiration for breaking the norm. Be aware of your media diet and how beauty, sex in essence, feminine, masculinity, makeup, etc... Are targeted at vunerable populations like yourself to reinforce the idea that you are broken and need their product or advice to be loved. Just develop that awareness of how standardized ideas of beauty are toxic and cause harm.
Also look at depictions of beauty throughout history. Like all the way back to the prehistoric venus of wilendof statues that show thicc women all the way to more modern stuff like paintings by Peter Paul Reubens and Alberto Vargas, classic models like Bettie Page and people into burlesque.
All of that can give you a sense of everything is beautiful to someone.