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Ladies, how do you deal with not being 'pretty'?

I am not pretty, and I never will be. I can wear make up, do my hair, wear a lovely dress and heels and I'll never look like a 9/10. I know it shouldn't bother me but it does- I want to be beautiful, and I get so jealous that these other girls are born pretty. How do you deal with not being attractive to most men? How do you accept how you look and learn to love yourself regardless? I've always hated myself because of it and I feel like this is wrong because I'm a good person, so why should it matter? I blame everything on my looks- she doesn't like me because I'm ugly, I wasn't invited because I'm ugly, that person walking past me sniggered because I'm ugly etc etc. How do you cope with being legitimately unattractive? How do you cope with not being so physically attractive? So, I'm pretty unattractive, I have been my entire life. In primary school people would rank the girls from prettiest to least pretty and I was always close to the bottom. In secondary school people would just outright tell me "you're ugly". In college I got snide, sarcastic remarks such as "wow! your sister is soooo pretty! that's so weird, lolol" or "do you know that guy? he was looking at you. no? Oh, he must've been eyeing you up, ha ha ha". I also have pretty bad social anxiety which as a result means that I really don't come across at all well to people, my body language is atrocious most of the time and I'm often told that I look angry or bored when I feel fine. I know I come across as awkward and uncomfortable to most people which I know has a massive effect on how attractive I look. I know that whilst smiling a lot and having good posture won't turn someone who's a "3/10" into a "9/10" it will definitely help how people see you. I know I look unfriendly and unapproachable most of the time which must distort my facial features and make me look less atrractive than I am. So, I know that my looks aren't to blame completely, but it just seems that that's what people choose to focus on. I don't actually see myself as that unattractive, I have bad skin and messy hair because I'm afraid to go to the hairdressers but I also have a pretty eye colour and nice lips, my body is great too, I'm very slim. I'm very short, 4'11", but short women don't get the hate that short men do and whilst I'm too short for most men's taste, I don't really think it makes me less attractive. As a result of my height and weight I'm told that I look around 14 when I'm actually 20, which I feel is a good thing, youthfulness is seen as a good trait. I'm always told that I'll "look great when I'm older". I have a very round face which just doesn't look right on my 88lb frame but round faces are feminine. My looks are nothing some better styling and grooming couldn't fix, but people act like I'm some hideous monster, because of a bit of acne, yet accept those flaws in other people. I'm just absolutely sick of the abuse I get from people. Why is it okay to treat me this way just because I'm not beautiful and I'm a bit awkward? I try to be a good, kind person but it's made me incredibly bitter. I just want to curl up and die most of the time. I also have a really loving, lovely, cute, intelligent boyfriend who adores me and tells me I'm pretty. Even if he knows that objectively I'm not pretty and can see why other people find me ugly, he's able to look past that. He's the only person that's ever been nice to me and I can't help but feel that he deserves someone better. So, how do I accept my looks? People often say to focus on your good qualities but I don't really have any of those, my IQ is low and I failed academically and will never have a good job, I have no talents or even skills to speak of and my personality is more offputting than my looks to most people. So it's not like I have something to make up for my looks like other ugly people do. So please don't tell me to focus on my good qualities or give me advice on how to improve my looks. I just want to stop giving a fuck and learn to accept and maybe even love myself. As a girl, I’ve accepted the reality that I’ll never be pretty, and no amount of makeup will hide anything underneath my mediocre features. (I’ve Gotten a lot of flack from guys and my mom). How do y’all deal with that? Cause I personally just accepted it and try not to let it bother me but when I see other prettier women, I always end up comparing myself to them. Plus, it’s a double edged sword. On the plus side I’ll never have to deal with cat calling and I can dress however I want. I know I’ll never be pretty as maybe that’s what I’ll ever be. How do you deal with not being beautiful or pretty as a woman when all these gorgeous women are walking around and men barely like you without it destroying your self worth and will to live when people have to see your homely face everyday? How do you deal with not being attractive to most men? How do you accept how you look and learn to love yourself, regardless? how do you deal with being unattractive? I'm personable, I dress nicely and present myself well, but holy shit, my face is just a wreck and it really depresses me sometimes. How do you guys deal with it? How can you be pretty or become prettier if you are unfortunate with your looks? Women who are not conventionally beautiful: How do you prevent yourself from feeling bad about your appearance?
Especially when other people have pointed out the fact that you are not extremely attractive. What are some simple things you can do to make yourself more attractive? How do you deal with having a friend who’s prettier than you? I don’t have any ill feelings for this friend as me and her have been close for a long time. But lately I’ve been struggling with comparing myself with her and almost going to the doctor to get facial enhancements (botox, filler, etc). I know I shouldn’t feel this way but I just do, it’s something I can’t help. People always tell her she’s pretty around me and I’m always on the sideline feeling a little left out. I don’t think I’m ugly or anything like that but lately I’ve been struggling with self consciousness and have been less confident in myself. I’m really hoping this is just a phase and I will snap out of it. Anyone else been thru this before? Side note: Also sorry if the header sounds a little vain, I didn’t know how else to word it. What did you do to become “prettier”? What are some easy ways to look a bit more pretty?
I'm very big, currently trying to lose weight but I have a long way to go. Apparently I have a very feminine and gentle face despite how big it is, which I can't see at all. Yes, I know it's hard to look attractive when fat, it's the first people notice, but if there is anything I can do to look a small bit better, especially cause I'm in public all the time, please tell me. I’m slowly starting to realize that a woman’s worth is determined mostly by her looks 90% of the time. I went to an all girls private school so I haven’t witnessed the way guys treat women a whole lot. Now that I’m in college and in a Co-Ed setting, I’m starting to notice that guys show very obvious special treatment to good looking girls. They’re nice to all girls, don’t get me wrong, I’ve got some wonderful guy friends, but the way they treat beautiful girls is completely different. For instance, there’s a very conventionally attractive girl in our year and it’s quite amusing to see how the guys act around her. For example, a bunch of us went to get coffee after class one day and she complained about walking and three guys started arguing over who gets to give her a lift to the coffee house. Once they finally decided, they all got in the car and drove off. It’s like the others (myself included) didn’t even exist. Now I know a lot of you are going to call me jealous and insecure. I personally don’t consider myself insecure as I’m quite content with how I look. I work out, eat healthy and have a body and face I am proud of. Yet I am also aware that I am not the conventionally attractive, blue eyed, blonde haired girl. And yes, maybe I am a bit jealous. I’ve been told constantly that a good personality is what’s attractive and beauty is only skin deep. But that’s not true. I know it, you know it. The girl I mentioned is not a very nice person. All I’ve heard her done is complain and look bored. She doesn’t have that many friends in college because a lot of people say she’s unnecessarily rude, it’s mostly just the boys that hang around her. So don’t tell me a good personality is all you need. Being attractive however can get you far in life. From trophy wives to the stereotypes about beautiful women being let of easy in legal settings, beauty can make a person’s life a whole lot easier. Having a good personality doesn’t always work the same way. I know appearances aren't everything - as a person, I know I've made huge strides in becoming better in terms of personality.
But it feels like no matter what, I'm judged by my appearance. (You won't find my face in my post history btw so don't bother searching.) I'm a little ugly without makeup and I'd say average at best with both natural and heavy makeup. And it drives me up the wall.
I've reduced my time on Facebook a lot compared to how much I used to go on. But it still upsets me when I see girls who are much cuter than me on my feed. I know I could just cut it out altogether, but I want to be able to look at pretty girls without feeling threatened, and instead just be at peace with my own appearance. In the last year, my insecurities worsened when I found out the guy I liked had a "preference" for the stereotypical aesthetic Asian girl (oh PS I am Asian, should clarify that haha) which is definitely what I'm not. (I don't think I'm allowed to link to any FB pages which would succinctly show what this style is, but I think basically what Kpop idols and IG-famous Asian models look like: slim v-face, straight brows, button nose, etc). I know I'm kind of being ridiculous comparing myself to actual models but I know a lot of girls IRL who are that pretty! It makes me really insecure lol. I've actually managed to stave off insecurities over the years through my "style". My first serious bout of insecurity I staved off by crossdressing. My second by "dressing better". My third and current by "dressing wildly" (think eccentric glamour) - because if you're eccentric, it doesn't matter if you are ugly or not lol. But it still doesn't change the fact that these are just bandaid solutions. Ultimately, the root cause is that I'm not happy with the way I look. What are some ways of thinking and/or actions I can incorporate into my life in order to change my mind?
SimSimHae Best Comment
We want what we don’t have.

We as humans are almost always conditioned to be miserable.

When our minds get a thought we can become fixated or stuck on it.

We are each individuals and obsessive with positive and negative things.

A good obsession can be having the inability to sleep until you’ve brushed your teeth.

A bad obsession can be nitpicking Galway within ourselves that aren’t even there.

I can see people who my eyes have less of an initial attraction to. But slowly as you get to know them more, the better a person they are. The more desirable they can become, even to the eyes.

But as I said before, you could be the prettiest person in the world, but still end up complaining and wanting something else in life, because beauty simply wasn’t enough for you in the end.

But your reality sounds like it’s the opposite of that. So that’s your current fixation. Whereas a pretty person can conclude struggles of feeling like no one likes them genuinely and that it’s only for their beauty.

Your struggle may be the counterpart to that scenario. But both would be just as real a torment to the one going through such things.

Our minds, we ourselves are our biggest enemy.

My only suggestion is to work on being a happier form of you. If doing your makeup makes you more. Confident then do it. If talking to people who are automatically really big flirts that start to send you compliments help you to heal and boost your ego, then do it. You come first before everybody else. If we didn’t then we may as well all be dead.

We never see ourselves the way that others do. You may not feel pretty, but others may think you are. Not everyone, obviously, we all have different types and interpretations of pretty - wouldn't it be so utterly dull if we all liked the same thing.
Acceptance is vital - acceptance of your skin, your features, your flaws. Accept them and your confidence will blossom. And there is nothing, NOTHING, sexier than the women who knows herself, knows what she wants, and puts herself out there.

I'm not saying acceptance is easy, it came very late for me. But surrounding yourself with the best possible people certainly helps.

Please keep striving for acceptance, and focus on the things you CAN control. Much love to you X
OldBrit · 56-60, M
[@1174705,JosephineTheFox] acceptance is the key
TheFragile · 41-45, F
I think there is an unrealistic and unkind beauty expectations out there in society. I also think that we are often our own worst critics and that sometimes we project our own insecurities and feelings on to other people. I find beauty in unconventional people. They may not find themselves beautiful but I still do. What you may think is beautiful someone else may not, and it's quite possible there are people out there that see beauty in you that you are unable to see in yourself.
OldBrit · 56-60, M
Acceptance.

Your are beautiful, everyone is -the society forced expectations of beautiful are not true just fables.

I have a friend who all the time I've known her (30 years) she's been, in my eyes, beautiful. She recently had a load of face fillers as being 55 she feels old. To me she's ruined her beauty chasing a fallacy.

Ignore the world be yourself and you'll be beautiful.
I didn't read all of that sorry, but yesterday someone suggested I look like golum , people can be such bullies ....I cried all night long



look at that image and now I'll change my avi..so you can see what they meant
[@1077581,paperlace] They spoke utter nonsense. Next time you speak to them tell them to fvck right off and then go about your normal business.

 
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