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I really need a therapist.

I can't handle life. I'm just scared to go because what if it turns out to be useless too? I've been su.icidal before and I know if it doesn't work out I'm going to be sui.cidal again.
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Yu will work it out because you have to. Regular people are a treasure and won't charge you to care. If you get lucky maybe a therapist will find you and also show you the way.

Much depends on if we scare them and show them their job can be challenging, then we can get hurt further. You seem pretty mellow though and you will have that on your side.

And if you don't rely on Medicaid you will have way better choices. I spoke only from my own idiotic experience. I'm a throw-away person and always have been...

but I doubt that is true 4 you.

Good luck on your search.🥰