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How do you just wake up one day and realize

That childhood trauma played a huge role in your life... All your life...
Yeah you knew that childhood played a role... You knew before being adopted there was abuse and neglect but really never had one clue how much is involved in childhood trauma.. Cause obviously you didn't define it as such and then wake up one day and look back to all your thinking and moments you felt overwhelming emotions for no apparent reason when ur adopted parents loved you and grew up in a good home.. How do you realize one day that you feel for quite some time you feel this sense of detachment but feel so much, have some codependency issues that you really never took notice, you just wanted to be loved where you didn't feel that before. How does wake up one day and realize you must have abandonment issues and rejection send u off in this whirlwind of emotions.. How is it you wake up one day and realize you mind runs a mile a minute and you live preoccupied with this emptiness and loneliness and like no one cares cause u have no friends or family that are really healthy themselves to really be around,
But also at the same time in some way you kept shut together considering
But wonder how the hell u managed to not abuse drugs or alcohol in fact never used but have drank in the younger years but very short short lived.
Coping mechanism, is that what it is all about that helped me thru?
Childhood trauma is not just some simple thing.. It's rather complex
I still don't understand slot of it and what it means for my life..
At 43?
Wow I have begun slowly to see but never put focus where need be
Now I am trying to.
Man it's so confusing
And the worst of it
I don't remember but just a tiny tiny bit, practically nothing really but then again IDK.
And that's the most confusing of it all, how can it be u don't remember but yet so much is there? I know repressed memories and blocking them out.
Idk
Complicated
To me anyways
😕
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Your story really hits home with me. My story is VERY similar. I'm still dealing with the effects of my abuse, my coping devices, my PTSD. Feel free to PM me. I would like to talk and listen. 💕