how can I achieve my dreams or be my self if I commit suicide?

I say my Mom and my Brother were selfish ,they did not care about the pain they would cause ,and I was right there for both of them ,
Leaving my home for 14 months to take care of Mom night and day ,she had someone with her 24/7 and I had a baby to look after too ,my woman had just been through a hole in her stomach that wouldn't heal for 5 months ,so daily trips to the hospital so they could check and make sure I was doing proper wound care ,and then I lock my home up and move in with Mom ,3 adults and a baby in a 10 x10 room ,and I paid all her bill ,,so my brothers could hate me thinking I was inheriting my Dads estate ,but Mom got a mortgage on that before Dad was cold and partied like a rock star until she was broke ,,so I say that to stress the point ,,No one would help at all ,,they seen it as I was getting paid ..
SO when my Brother starts saying he can't hold on ,,I come home again ,,give him my pain meds while I suffer through the pain and withdraw ,,so he does not have to ..He is an addict ,out of medication (but 3 days after his death ,he got his 360 pain pills ,,and a voucher ,he had $150,000,00 deposited into his account ,,he won his case ,over an injury he faked and his money was finally there ,,but he wasn't,
2 of my best friends died that month and I had to sing at the last ones memorial ,,and he got away from me ,he said he was fine ,,we were on the phone making plans for going on a boat for the 4th of July ,,but I had to take my son home
I was suppose to call him back ,but after being awake for over a week giving him my meds every 3 hours ,,I was tired and sick and I fell asleep ,
I am awaken to hear "He done it ,Mark shot himself in the head "he is being life flighted to the trauma center .

I was the one left to make the choice to unplug him ,and then be pressured to donate his organs (which I did )

I am still mad ,and this month on the 16th was 4 yrs
But I have been there too
All we ever heard our whole lives when Mom did not get her way was "Thats OK ,I'll just kill myself "
Well she finally did ,it only stands to reason when we feel no one cares ,or we can't take anymore ,thats how we think too ,you might say Mom programed that crap into us
"life gets to hard ,Kill yourself that settles everything "

Except his Daughter lost her Mom one week before to cancer
and if that was not hard enough ,a Dad who was never there for her blows his brains out ,one week to the day of her death

She got the money ,she was his only actual living heir
She is a drunk and an addict ,broke
but who can blame her ,,those are the examples she had
now all I can do is pray ,,when times get hard she fights
like her Mom did ,and does not follow Grandma and her Dads examples ,,
But I have been there myself ,,
all you care about is stopping the pain
But my brothers was not real except maybe guilt
He faked his injury he was getting paid for ,He was getting 360 pain pills a month and he sold most of them
The house he lived in used to be mine ,,I paid it off before giving it to my ex (I almost killed myself over what the 2 of them did to me )
Guess as it turns out ,,I am a fighter like Dad
He was a quitter like Mom