i don't think i can form meaningful relationships anymore

there was a time in my childhood when i was alone. i think it may have stunted my emotional growth.

i remember back in high school i had a friend who suffered from depression. we were sitting in a stairway. she talked to me about her problems. i ran my fingers over her scars like she was a strange specimen. she said it was easy to share things with me because i was so "neutral". i felt hollow when she said that, because i knew it was because i didn't care for her, and she didn't.

i let go of people easily. i rarely care enough to get to know them. nevertheless, things are good. my life is going in the right direction. i am set for a well-paying job after university. with the money, i can buy my parents fancy things and extravagant trips and take them to high-end restaurants and i think i see a pattern in here.

when my parents pass away, i will no longer be anchored to this world. i will be constantly floating, and it often makes me wonder how long can i continue like that

edit 2.5.2019: changed 'college' to 'university' after learning the difference between the two.