I have terrible nightmares

It started when I was very little. I was always so afraid to go to sleep because of them. Over time, they became more graphic and disturbing. I developed insomnia, psychosis, and schizophrenia. They got so much worse. Waking up crying, screaming, scrambling. So many times, I’ve run to the bathroom to check for wounds, or blood. I remember almost all of them. I’ve had to take showers before because I see myself covered in blood when I wake up. At the time, I can never tell if they were hallucinations or not. I don’t have the same nightmares I think other people have. I don’t dream about being chased, or getting fired, or being killed, or drowning. I’m the chaser. I’m the killer. I’ve done really horrible things to people I’ve never met, in my dreams. I’ve watched people get dismembered by ants. I’ve seen people, still alive and conscious, get folded like a T-shirt. Bones cracking, screaming, blood spurting. I’ve fought in many wars. Killed a lot of people a lot of different ways. I’ve watched a city, with everyone in it, burn to ashes. The black charred skin, cracking with every movement, exposing inner tissue, screaming in agony. Begging and pleading. I’ve had so many, vivid, nightmares. Every. Single. Night. I’ve learned to accept them as part of life. Although, I can’t help but wonder if that contributes to my sickness every morning. I wonder if it....effects....who I am