At some point we all die.

*karen walks in office with a giant bag of candy.

Karen from accounting: “Want some?”

Me: “Fuck no, you're the human version of a white windowless van Karen, and the last time I got into a windowless white van with someone offering me candy, I ate waaay too much candy.”

Me: “Karen, what are the odds that fire ants are just super sexy ants that save other ant lives and do hot calendar shoots for ant charities?”

Karen in accounting: “I literally hate you.”

Karen in accounting: “Why is this chicken salad so much more expensive than the regular salad I get?”

Me: “Cause chickens are harder to catch than lettuce Karen.”

A man once never even noticed that a thief has stolen his credit card cause the thief couldn't spend that much money as the wife.

Karen in accounting: “Steve, I could really use your help on this report, can you spare a second?”

Me: “I’m working on a horse saddle that changes color when the horse is happy, ya know a mood saddle”

Karen: “Asshole.”

Karen in accounting: “Are you seriously taking selfies at your desk?”

Me: “Shut the fuck up Karen, this is serious business I’m conducting over here! Also hand me your stapler, I need to prop my phone up real quick”

Hell Mess with your co-workers like I do:
Karen in accounting: "Want to hear what I did today?"

Me: "Did you kill dragons?"

Karen: "No."

Me: "Pass."

Me: “Dammit I have my raspberry pudding cup but nothing to eat it with!”

Karen in accounting: “Wanna spoon?”

Me: “No Karen, we work together and that’s just gross.”

Why don't blind people skydive?