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greenmountaingal · 80-89, F
This happened when I was in my teens. I'm an old woman now. I had what I will call two co-abusers, my mother and my awful boyfriend, Dale R. who now lives, appropriately, in Boring, Oregon (really!).
I have not seen Dale since I broke up with him in 1965. My mother died 13 years ago.
Once, when Dale had hit me and frightened me, I made the very stupid mistake of running home to my mother. I was desperate. I was 19 years old. My mother screamed at me, called me names, slapped me into a chair...and then, when Dale phoned her apartment to see if I was there, she cheerfully gave him directions so he could come and get me!
Outrageously nasty behavior. Even scorpions and rattlesnakes protect their young.
When my evil jerk of a boyfriend showed up, my mother made me go with him and, weeping bitterly, I had to leave with him as she shoved me out the door. He dragged me down her apartment steps, laughing as he called me his "dumb little orphan."
He said, "You're as good as an orphan!!! Your own mother doesn't care about you!!! You're my dumb little orphan!" He laughed and laughed. All the way back to our dwelling place (I refuse to call it a "home"), he alternated slapping me with howls of laughter. He told all of our acquaintances (I refuse to call them "friends) that I was his "dumb little orphan" adding, "Even her own mother doesn't want her! She's too dumb!"
I have had a lot of bitter experiences in my life, but this one stands out for sheer ugliness.
There is another story underneath this story and it, too, is an ugly tale. It has to do with Dale's secret job as an undercover agent for AFOSI (Air Force Office of Special Investigations) under the early auspices of the COINTELPRO program.
I strongly suspect my mother knew all about Dale's secret life. And I think her cruel and ugly behavior in rejecting me was her way of letting Dale and AFOSI know that they must give up all ideas about kidnapping me to put pressure on my mother (who was a major player in the Communist Party--CPUSA). After all, if she didn't love me, didn't care if I lived or died, what was the point? Perhaps, from her point of view, she was saving my stupid miserable life.
That may well have been how she saw it.
But, since I knew nothing about any of this at the time, it felt to me as if the two people in the world on whom I'd depended, whom I cared deeply about, who were supposed to love and care for me...didn't. And it was shattering.
I have not seen Dale since I broke up with him in 1965. My mother died 13 years ago.
Once, when Dale had hit me and frightened me, I made the very stupid mistake of running home to my mother. I was desperate. I was 19 years old. My mother screamed at me, called me names, slapped me into a chair...and then, when Dale phoned her apartment to see if I was there, she cheerfully gave him directions so he could come and get me!
Outrageously nasty behavior. Even scorpions and rattlesnakes protect their young.
When my evil jerk of a boyfriend showed up, my mother made me go with him and, weeping bitterly, I had to leave with him as she shoved me out the door. He dragged me down her apartment steps, laughing as he called me his "dumb little orphan."
He said, "You're as good as an orphan!!! Your own mother doesn't care about you!!! You're my dumb little orphan!" He laughed and laughed. All the way back to our dwelling place (I refuse to call it a "home"), he alternated slapping me with howls of laughter. He told all of our acquaintances (I refuse to call them "friends) that I was his "dumb little orphan" adding, "Even her own mother doesn't want her! She's too dumb!"
I have had a lot of bitter experiences in my life, but this one stands out for sheer ugliness.
There is another story underneath this story and it, too, is an ugly tale. It has to do with Dale's secret job as an undercover agent for AFOSI (Air Force Office of Special Investigations) under the early auspices of the COINTELPRO program.
I strongly suspect my mother knew all about Dale's secret life. And I think her cruel and ugly behavior in rejecting me was her way of letting Dale and AFOSI know that they must give up all ideas about kidnapping me to put pressure on my mother (who was a major player in the Communist Party--CPUSA). After all, if she didn't love me, didn't care if I lived or died, what was the point? Perhaps, from her point of view, she was saving my stupid miserable life.
That may well have been how she saw it.
But, since I knew nothing about any of this at the time, it felt to me as if the two people in the world on whom I'd depended, whom I cared deeply about, who were supposed to love and care for me...didn't. And it was shattering.