I think the only thing I’ve truly pretended to be is someone who doesn’t care
— someone who’s indifferent, unaffected, unbothered. I put on this act like I don’t have any feelings for him at all, like he means nothing, like I’m just casually floating through it all. But that couldn’t be further from the truth.
Deep down, I feel everything. I feel too much. It’s overwhelming, and it’s getting harder to contain. I smile like it doesn’t hurt, I laugh like it doesn’t ache, but every time I see him or hear his name, something stirs inside me. And still, I act like he’s just anyone — because I’m scared. Scared he’ll notice, scared he won’t care, scared of what it would mean if he did.
So I bury it. I act nonchalant. Because maybe if I pretend hard enough, it won’t show. Maybe if I act like I don’t like him, he won’t see the truth written all over me.
Deep down, I feel everything. I feel too much. It’s overwhelming, and it’s getting harder to contain. I smile like it doesn’t hurt, I laugh like it doesn’t ache, but every time I see him or hear his name, something stirs inside me. And still, I act like he’s just anyone — because I’m scared. Scared he’ll notice, scared he won’t care, scared of what it would mean if he did.
So I bury it. I act nonchalant. Because maybe if I pretend hard enough, it won’t show. Maybe if I act like I don’t like him, he won’t see the truth written all over me.
