American tourist. Tips for survival free of charge:

1. “Hi how are you?” Is an accessive amount of words for greeting a stranger. Don’t be surprised if “None of your business” is the reply.

2. Asking “where is the bathroom” makes people think you need a bath or shower.

3. Only in America are who you vote for or how much money you have acceptable topics of conversation. Do this elsewhere outside of a political rally and you’ll be considered crass or vain.

4. For a people who hate empire, you sure enjoy imperial units of measurement. Everyone else has moved on to a more efficient system of multiplications of 10.

5. Cars will not stop for you if you walk out in front of them.

6. The seats on the bus/tram/train nearest the door are reserved for the elderly or disabled. Not plus size folk.

7. “Oh my god” is reserved for orgasms or near death experiences.

8. People who walk for more than half an hour do in fact have cars, but are just not reliant on them.

9. Unless you are invited to tip, please don’t do it. It could be taken as pity or even an insult.

10. No city in the world actually matches its Instagram account. Whether it’s LA, Paris, Rome, London, Barcelona, Tokyo or Sydney. Just like people they’ve been tampered with to look impossibly glam. Just go with the flow and have fun 😉