So true. It's the loss more than what you saw. I'm in a fight with myself, did I see my father taken up from the lake after he drowned by police divers so many years ago... My ex swears I didn't see, but I know she gave me the binoculars after I watched her torn apart, I remember her saying you need to see this, and she gave them to me just as I watched the police divers bring his body up from the water. An image stained upon me.

She tries to deny this ever happened, where she passed the binoculars to me saying I must have made that up. I just know somewhere what I saw, and her denial is just that denial. She had trauma before, I think she saw trauma again and wanted to try and deny.


I told her many times, I know what I saw, my father's face laying dead in the water as the police divers brought him up. I tried to tell her while that image may be burned into me now, it's the hole in my heart I'm left with and truth be told if I saw or I didn't I am now still without a father. The image matters, but how he left an open empty place in my heart was always more to me.