I Am Loyal to My Friends
I am unendingly loyal and devoted to my friends... The problem however, is that this has never been reciprocated, despite the care I use when choosing friends.
The sad reality is that EVERYONE is just using everyone else. It makes me sad that money is just SO IMPORTANT for everyone and it outweighs the value of people. For instance, everyone will SAY they "believe in me" or they are "certain I will succeed" and they mention how they even believe I am more able than they are in just about every way.
My parents say they have unending faith in me.
Yet - behavior does not match rhetoric. And the old saying "actions speak louder than words" is very true. Even though my family and "friends" say they love me, and want to be helpful - the proof is in the pudding, and by the proof - they feel I am worth less than $300. That seems to be about the maximum anyone will help me out with, and it feels like pulling teeth to get that size of a loan. Despite the fact I have never not paid back a personal loan, but I guess people really care about credit score. I regret going to college more than I regret becoming a junkie. I solved the junkie problem and it didn't continue to haunt me - this finance issue though has truly RUINED my life.
I am 34, and instead of dating and enjoying life, hoping to build a family... I struggle to make ends meet, to keep myself from being evicted, to keep my phone on, to make my car insurance payment and car payment, etc. It's like, nobody is willing to help or give me a break. It doesn't matter that I earned a college degree - it's the DEBT that matters. Yet before I went to college, that's all ANYONE talked about! They made it seem like if I earned a degree, that it would improve life. It has not. It has absolutely demolished life, and I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm just waiting and waiting until I cannot take the suffering provided by life any longer.
I want to be honest. I want to be good and helpful. I like working and being productive, I do not wish to be lazy and do nothing. However, I am stuck between the options of being lazy and having no money for life, OR being super busy and having no money for life. The situation the banks have created around credit is the definition of a catch-22.
I cannot earn money, because I owe so much. I cannot get a good job, because I have a bad credit rating. I cannot have the job I had BEFORE I earned a college degree - a bank teller. I cannot even be a police officer, because my credit is so poor. Not only that, they won't even let me open a bank account!
I'm a smart guy... I have always been in the top 5% of each class I have attended; and being discarded like this is very damaging to my psyche.
The sad situation is that everyone expects people to earn money - and if you don't earn money, then you aren't a high quality person. The trouble is that nobody really thinks very far into the process. They like to say "pick yourself up by your bootstraps" and silly cliches that don't really apply.
I have had many conversations with people who have the ability to help me - and they have and still call themselves my "friend" or even my "loved ones."
Yet, even to these people - I am worth decidedly less than what $1000 is worth to them.
I want to earn money, so I can build a successful life, and get a family and maybe have some kids in the future. The trouble is that without money - nobody with quality will decide you are quality. We have no methods of measuring people's worth as a person, except financial.
Whatever, nobody cares, I should just stop writing... I just wish people would open their eyes. This perception that USA is fair is so twisted and wrong - and idiots are the only ones with the power to change the situation. They have the perception that nothing is wrong though - because everyone with money is surrounded by other people with money. They are insulated from the truth of the world, and it's offensive to me. I feel like they are lucky and not even caring or looking. Now, I could understand people not wanting to mix classes - but I have helped at least 2 people become wealthy, and I have been directly responsbile for the wealthier of the 2, for being anything but poor. Yet, in 7 years, he hasn't even seen fit to return more than about 1/60th of the amount I used to bribe his boss to get him the opportunity to get the job... I got a $50 video game as a gift one birthday, and I spent $3 grand bribing his boss....
Then I ask for a loan, that's doubly guaranteed because I'm receiving a check because of VW lying to me about my car's emissions... And he says he cannot do it. Why? It will apparently cost him too much in taxes he says... A total lie - like $3grand is going to change his tax bracket... Unreal what a jerk he is... In the same reply he also mentions that "he's had such bad fortune - he even lost $20K on energy investments..."
Seriously, when I asked for a $3k loan, he instead tells me about how he has LOST $20k, which is just a small PORTION of what he's been investing with... All of this money, by the way, was EARNED from the job he got, BECAUSE OF ME!!!
I really just cannot stand this world. There's like a dozen kind people in this entire world. I think I'm going to start being like everyone else. I don't know why I want to try so hard, to succeed, to make people I feel mistreat me - feel like they admire and like me.
Everyone doesn't actually THINK about this world and how it works. Instead they just evaluate what's directly in front of them, and they create the way they think about the world to support their own thoughts of them being a good person. They convince themselves everyone that has it worse off "deserves it."
This is how people feel like they aren't selfish, greedy little animals - when they walk by someone starving and remotely unlock their Lexus - and put in the latest batch of shopping bags. "He is bad, that's why he's suffering. I would be a bad person to support a bad person, so I'm being good by ignoring him and his needs."
Yet - these people take advantage of EVERYONE they can - most they don't even see.
Do people not understand that ALL of Wall Street is crooked and dishonest? It's all people making money off other people's work. You aren't BOTH making and sharing the money - the people WITH MONEY are MAKING MONEY, and to do it, they are TAKING ADVANTAGE OF EVERYONE ELSE.
Like for example Home Depot. Say you buy Home Depot stock - and you put in $5K. You then make $500 or whatever a year and that's your benefit (I'm averaging for ease of the example). You feel you EARNED that money, but you really didn't. They just used your money to help them buy things, that they then sold for more money - basically. But, the people owning Home Depot, or the stocks - didn't actually DO anything. The people WORKING at Home Depot did - and they earned roughly $4 single dollars, while earning hundreds or thousands for the "money men."
So, your investments on Wall Street, only enable other people to be bigger bosses - and take larger portions of profit - because of higher earnings - that are genuinely earned by the people that are not getting ANY REAL BENEFIT!!!
Then the way the government taxes the money, is making it even worse! They take more of the money from people who trade their TIME for money; than they do from people who enjoy ALL of their time, and they just use their MONEY to earn more MONEY!!!
This is BOUND to be the end of society... How does nobody else see this? It's just playing a game where everything ends up in the hands of a few - after a long period of it distilling out in that manner.
I just cannot stand this planet. I have always suffered from depression, and when I was in my teens I was CERTAIN I would die before I was 20. Then in my 20s I was CERTAIN I would die before I was 30... Well, I feel like I got the short end of the stick, despite continuing to breath and be healthy. I just wish I didn't have the perceptions that I do. I was raised wrong. They brought me up to be kind and generous - they didn't teach me to be greedy and selfish and that's TRULY what makes a "successful life" in USA. It's just while being greedy and selfish, you have to have a facade of kindness and generosity. But it's just a thin facade - it doesn't even extend to family or friends.
Go steal money from someone, everyone else is doing it.
The sad reality is that EVERYONE is just using everyone else. It makes me sad that money is just SO IMPORTANT for everyone and it outweighs the value of people. For instance, everyone will SAY they "believe in me" or they are "certain I will succeed" and they mention how they even believe I am more able than they are in just about every way.
My parents say they have unending faith in me.
Yet - behavior does not match rhetoric. And the old saying "actions speak louder than words" is very true. Even though my family and "friends" say they love me, and want to be helpful - the proof is in the pudding, and by the proof - they feel I am worth less than $300. That seems to be about the maximum anyone will help me out with, and it feels like pulling teeth to get that size of a loan. Despite the fact I have never not paid back a personal loan, but I guess people really care about credit score. I regret going to college more than I regret becoming a junkie. I solved the junkie problem and it didn't continue to haunt me - this finance issue though has truly RUINED my life.
I am 34, and instead of dating and enjoying life, hoping to build a family... I struggle to make ends meet, to keep myself from being evicted, to keep my phone on, to make my car insurance payment and car payment, etc. It's like, nobody is willing to help or give me a break. It doesn't matter that I earned a college degree - it's the DEBT that matters. Yet before I went to college, that's all ANYONE talked about! They made it seem like if I earned a degree, that it would improve life. It has not. It has absolutely demolished life, and I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm just waiting and waiting until I cannot take the suffering provided by life any longer.
I want to be honest. I want to be good and helpful. I like working and being productive, I do not wish to be lazy and do nothing. However, I am stuck between the options of being lazy and having no money for life, OR being super busy and having no money for life. The situation the banks have created around credit is the definition of a catch-22.
I cannot earn money, because I owe so much. I cannot get a good job, because I have a bad credit rating. I cannot have the job I had BEFORE I earned a college degree - a bank teller. I cannot even be a police officer, because my credit is so poor. Not only that, they won't even let me open a bank account!
I'm a smart guy... I have always been in the top 5% of each class I have attended; and being discarded like this is very damaging to my psyche.
The sad situation is that everyone expects people to earn money - and if you don't earn money, then you aren't a high quality person. The trouble is that nobody really thinks very far into the process. They like to say "pick yourself up by your bootstraps" and silly cliches that don't really apply.
I have had many conversations with people who have the ability to help me - and they have and still call themselves my "friend" or even my "loved ones."
Yet, even to these people - I am worth decidedly less than what $1000 is worth to them.
I want to earn money, so I can build a successful life, and get a family and maybe have some kids in the future. The trouble is that without money - nobody with quality will decide you are quality. We have no methods of measuring people's worth as a person, except financial.
Whatever, nobody cares, I should just stop writing... I just wish people would open their eyes. This perception that USA is fair is so twisted and wrong - and idiots are the only ones with the power to change the situation. They have the perception that nothing is wrong though - because everyone with money is surrounded by other people with money. They are insulated from the truth of the world, and it's offensive to me. I feel like they are lucky and not even caring or looking. Now, I could understand people not wanting to mix classes - but I have helped at least 2 people become wealthy, and I have been directly responsbile for the wealthier of the 2, for being anything but poor. Yet, in 7 years, he hasn't even seen fit to return more than about 1/60th of the amount I used to bribe his boss to get him the opportunity to get the job... I got a $50 video game as a gift one birthday, and I spent $3 grand bribing his boss....
Then I ask for a loan, that's doubly guaranteed because I'm receiving a check because of VW lying to me about my car's emissions... And he says he cannot do it. Why? It will apparently cost him too much in taxes he says... A total lie - like $3grand is going to change his tax bracket... Unreal what a jerk he is... In the same reply he also mentions that "he's had such bad fortune - he even lost $20K on energy investments..."
Seriously, when I asked for a $3k loan, he instead tells me about how he has LOST $20k, which is just a small PORTION of what he's been investing with... All of this money, by the way, was EARNED from the job he got, BECAUSE OF ME!!!
I really just cannot stand this world. There's like a dozen kind people in this entire world. I think I'm going to start being like everyone else. I don't know why I want to try so hard, to succeed, to make people I feel mistreat me - feel like they admire and like me.
Everyone doesn't actually THINK about this world and how it works. Instead they just evaluate what's directly in front of them, and they create the way they think about the world to support their own thoughts of them being a good person. They convince themselves everyone that has it worse off "deserves it."
This is how people feel like they aren't selfish, greedy little animals - when they walk by someone starving and remotely unlock their Lexus - and put in the latest batch of shopping bags. "He is bad, that's why he's suffering. I would be a bad person to support a bad person, so I'm being good by ignoring him and his needs."
Yet - these people take advantage of EVERYONE they can - most they don't even see.
Do people not understand that ALL of Wall Street is crooked and dishonest? It's all people making money off other people's work. You aren't BOTH making and sharing the money - the people WITH MONEY are MAKING MONEY, and to do it, they are TAKING ADVANTAGE OF EVERYONE ELSE.
Like for example Home Depot. Say you buy Home Depot stock - and you put in $5K. You then make $500 or whatever a year and that's your benefit (I'm averaging for ease of the example). You feel you EARNED that money, but you really didn't. They just used your money to help them buy things, that they then sold for more money - basically. But, the people owning Home Depot, or the stocks - didn't actually DO anything. The people WORKING at Home Depot did - and they earned roughly $4 single dollars, while earning hundreds or thousands for the "money men."
So, your investments on Wall Street, only enable other people to be bigger bosses - and take larger portions of profit - because of higher earnings - that are genuinely earned by the people that are not getting ANY REAL BENEFIT!!!
Then the way the government taxes the money, is making it even worse! They take more of the money from people who trade their TIME for money; than they do from people who enjoy ALL of their time, and they just use their MONEY to earn more MONEY!!!
This is BOUND to be the end of society... How does nobody else see this? It's just playing a game where everything ends up in the hands of a few - after a long period of it distilling out in that manner.
I just cannot stand this planet. I have always suffered from depression, and when I was in my teens I was CERTAIN I would die before I was 20. Then in my 20s I was CERTAIN I would die before I was 30... Well, I feel like I got the short end of the stick, despite continuing to breath and be healthy. I just wish I didn't have the perceptions that I do. I was raised wrong. They brought me up to be kind and generous - they didn't teach me to be greedy and selfish and that's TRULY what makes a "successful life" in USA. It's just while being greedy and selfish, you have to have a facade of kindness and generosity. But it's just a thin facade - it doesn't even extend to family or friends.
Go steal money from someone, everyone else is doing it.
