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I Used to Self Harm

stupid things younger selves do when they give other people too much credit. get over that "belonging" shit and everything will fall into place.

now it seems that i can't join the army with these scars on my arm. quite a way of being stupid
i noticed that whatever we do in a certain moment of our life , it appear absolutely logic and obvious , like there isn't any other possibilities , even when we are doing something wrong , so this mean that we tend to do something because we get used to that ending up becoming unable to do something different , but still , in order to get rid of this pain in the a** , we have to remember that none is forcing us to self harm , so , we can start by strongly focusing on thoughts about love ourselves rather than harm ourselves , because we are precious and our body is all what we have ,so we must care about us like we are a living treasure , then those autolesionistic will appear really inappropriate and wrong , when those thoughts disturb us , it mean that because of some errors we are thinking about them , so first of all focus on thoughts about self love , and if even during that we still get disturbed by those thoughts , well it only means that we have to better focus on self love, also , is important to become completely unable to think about any kind of sufferings and self arm and only able to conceive self love , even when we have to use brute force against someone , we must focus then make it natural the approach that allow us to badly defeat him\her in a " clean " way , the same goes if we have to put an end to the life of some cruel bastard , a painless and quick death , in other words , let just erase the sufferings in and our of ourselves , and more important , let's always be focused on ourselves , so we can do better everything else as a consequence of a proper caring of ourselves , sorry , english is my second language :P
morbidraccoon · 31-35, M
even if i don't completely agree with all things you said here, i really like your reply. it's true we always see the choices we make at the time as the best choices possible, but at some point later it may just look absurd from the start. i've noticed that these situations always result from assuming things one after another, until your path of thoughts starts straining and twisting... and you only realize where you are after you're out of it. i've forbidden myself to assume things some time ago. life keeps getting better and better and there's a lot less hatred and suffering. i also can see clearly now people doing that same old thing, exactly as i used to. "our body is all what we have" yes, you nailed the only thing that i'm able to assume (sort of) at this point. i'm not really sure what "love" is, it looks deceitful to me, and even if i understand what you say about doing everything with a cold and practical approach, without suffering, i think displeasant and ugly feelings are just the other face of the coin that is life. i just don't take them too seriously anymore, but they're part of life, a very important part to me. you reminded me of "the art of war" by sun tzu with what you're saying. and yes, the "clean" defeat is always the best one, the only one where you only win and lose nothing. i think youre pretty interesting to talk with, i invite you to comment your views in my threads whenever you like to. english is also my second language, dont worry!
@morbidraccoon: nah , dark thoughts , problems aren't part of existence ,they are something that we must and can erase by just learning to reject them intill we become completely unable to think and conceive to whatever can induce self-harm of the construction of our failure , i understand that try to accept them i a consequence of how they seem unstoppable and impossible to get rid of , but in truth is possible, especially in case of self-harm and similar issue who really are artificial you know , it basically mean that long ago , some bunch of sadistic assholes decided to use all their resources to invent something that may lead people to be depress and commit those terrible things , with love , i mean love for yourself , i mean reject whatever is negative , understand that those horrible thoughts and their concrete manifestations are nothing but a mistake , something that must be eradicated from existence , even be surrounded by positive and protective people is a good thing , also , find a good psycologist or anyone who can help you to get control of your brain in order to really become unable to think about something that isn't love for yourself and others
morbidraccoon · 31-35, M
@tizzius: yes, i know you can supress "negative" thoughts and feelings. i just don't judge them anymore, they don't actually hurt me. i can se things thruough compassion and understanding, without judging. i see life as i see art. there are black things, white things, red things. i don't judge nor get scared, i enjoy it all for what it is
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Really? They won't you let you join because of your scars?
morbidraccoon · 31-35, M
here in spain you can't join the army with some kind of tattoos or scars if they are too visible (and they are). you only can if they can be hidden by any uniform, and not all uniforms hide the whole arm. it makes sense because it hurts the public image of the army having soldiers with that kind of thing.
@morbidraccoon: Makes sense.

Sad though.

You can't do what you want to do, serving your country, because of your scars.

Military isn't meant to be pretty.

And scars aren't meant to be bad.

I'd wear them with pride. 💪
morbidraccoon · 31-35, M
@Umile18: anyway, that is what they say in the army's official website. i'll try to enlist anyway and see if they reject me themselves. in last case, i'll try something to erase the scars. it took me a while to decide that, because in some way it becomes part of your identity and as you said, gives you some kind of... "pride" of sorts. but i don't mind sacrificing weak concepts like identity to live my life the way i want to
GeniUs · 56-60, M
Because entering a conflict never gave anybody a scar.
morbidraccoon · 31-35, M
yes, a lot of people said that. but there are different kinds of scars. these one are obvious self harming or suicide attempt.

 
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