I Loved Someone That Didn't Love Me

My ex we where together for 5 years on and off he always cheated on me and picked the other girls over me and he would always male it into my fault but the second id try to get over him and date someone he would tell me how much he loved me and wanted to be with me and so on and stupidly i believed him and i guess i always knew he never lovef me i just didn't want to accept it there's still days i think about him even though I'm married i just think it's all the unanswered questions that where left when i finally said i was done and the few times I've tried to talk to him about the questions he just says he doesn't want to talk about it and yes we are still friends i just don't think i can ever just be a friend and not think about him till i get a few answers :/