I Have Had Many Broken Bones
I have had broken quite a few bones - more than 5, but I have gained a complete faith in doctors - even though faith of a religious vein continues to elude me.
My most brutal break was when I broke my femur. For those of you that haven't had the pleasure, or a class in human anatomy and physiology, my thigh bone. I didn't just crack it either, I snapped that bad boy in two!
It was pretty scary and painful. So I was going snowboarding with some of my old friends, and I was very pleased to be doing so. I was using drugs at the time, but not that DAY - because my friends were not that type of people, and I wanted them to enjoy my company as well. I mention that because it makes a difference a bit later.
Well we had taken 3 or 4 runs, and most of them were the same. We were riding in the terrain park - that's the place with the big jumps - for those of you non-skiers or riders.
I wanted to show off for my friends - so I stopped at the top of the terrain park and I told them to go and wait at the 4th jump. The 4th jump in the park was as the steep part of the hill came to a flatter portion, and so they built a huge jump (cheese wedge kicker is what I call it) and then a spine, with a left side only landing. A spine is a triangle that extends a long ways - you can usually land on the left or the right side - but this was different because of trees.
Usually people would hit it, and land just a bit of the way down the spine, which extended at least 200ft. The jump was placed about 10ft before the spine, and you could either just jump the spine, or jump to it, if you were jumping bigger.
Well, I was planning on landing near the end of the spine, which was HUGE. I straight lined from the top, past the first 3 jumps, just collecting a ridiculous amount of speed.
Now, usually people would not go off the top of the kicker, they would go off the side, halfway up - and it would line up. Since I had so much more speed, I had to go off the top of the kicker, because I had to parallel the length of the spine. As I went speeding up the very tall jump (14' ish) I noticed there were some HUGE chunks of ice and snow there. This was because nobody else had been foolish enough to do this, and they didn't think anyone WOULD be. Someone has mentioned I could have ollied over the chunks - perhaps... I was going very fast, so it's possible that wouldn't have worked out well either.
What I DID choose to do, was to take a sharp left turn, off the very top of the jump. Now, as the jump was right when the mountain got to a flat portion - this was not recommended. I went flying off into space - not even remotely towards the landing. I was 18 at the time, and didn't just think I was invincible... I KNEW IT! Lol... So, I wasn't even worried - I did a huge stiffy grab and triple tweaked it, since I was flying SO FAR!
When you land a jump on a snowboard - especially on flatter ground - you land back foot, then front foot. The purpose of this is to use the tail of the snowboard as a bit of a shock absorber. As soon as my right foot hit the ground - my right femur SNAPPED!!!
I crumpled to the ground, and transferred the weight to my other 3 limbs, as I was now sliding to a stop, my board in front of me, and my weight mostly on my elbows and hands.
As soon as I stopped, my friends started riding away! I was like "Hey stop! I just broke my leg!" They were like, "for real?"
"Yes, now Pat come help me - you two go get ski patrol"
Pat came up and started taking my feet out of my bindings. I was just holding my upper thigh - right where it broke. I was just squeezing it and going "ohhh, oh my god... Gah... Etc.". To my credit I did not cry - I'm more of an emotional crier than a physical pain one.
Pat took my right foot out - I broke the right leg, and set it carefully and gingerly next to my binding - while I continued just holding it at the break.
He then moved to take my left foot out - as both of us thought was the best idea. Then my right leg TIPPED OVER!!!
Yes, it just twisted and flipped over... Curse physics!
It hurt SO BAD! I moaned painfully - Pat looked at it, and started to make the movements of someone that's about to throw up. I looked at him very seriously, "Pat - I NEED YOU right now. DO NOT puke on me! Pull down on my leg about an inch, and slowly rotate it back up."
To Pat's credit, and my benefit - he did it and did not throw up. We just stayed in that position until ski patrol arrived.
I forgot to put this in, but I foreshadowed it still - I was taking morphine at the time - I wasn't completely addicted, but I did have a bit of a tolerance. I actually had a "PF 100" in my pocket - which is a 100mg morphine sulfate pill. I KNEW it would take away my SEVERE pain - but I also knew I couldn't take LESS than a significant amount - and that would cause trouble at the hospital - since they undoubtedly planned to give me morphine as well. If you say you have been already taking morphine when you arrive - that's the fastest way to never get any - ever again.
Back to the story...
The patrolman goes "so you're injured huh?"
"Yeah, I broke my right thigh bone..."
"No you didn't, you just ruined your knee."
I was blown away - it's like, you're gonna really tell me I'm wrong?!?
"Well, it bent up here - so I'm quite certain it's broken."
I have thought of many funnier replies in years since, but that's the best true recollection of my comment. He then took my leg from Pat, and Pat took my other foot out of my binding. I was so sure I would snowboard again - so I wouldn't let the ski patroller cut my ski pants. I made him go in through the vents - and he cut my jeans. He had to make certain my broken bone didn't pop through the skin and cause tons of bleeding.
It had not broken through - and so he just got me all prepared and I took the sled down for the only time in my life. Despite breaking 3 other bones on the mountain, all in separate incidents. It's a bit of a point of pride with most long time riders and skiers, to not take the sled.
But so it truly was broken completely. You could have taken my leg off with any knife - and a bit of determination. The way they fix it - is a chore! Lol
First they put me in traction - that's when they (for me) drilled a hole through my shin bone and placed a metal rod through that hole. To the rod they connect cables that run to pulleys with little weights on them. This was to pull my leg apart - because your muscles naturally pull you together. The lack of the structural support of my femur, meant they needed to do this - until they finished the next part.
They actually used a hand cranked drill to put the rod in my shin bone. I remember it distinctly, although I could not feel any pain.
To fix the femur - they knocked me out. Thank god for that. To do it, they cut my hip and gained access to the top of the femur - by drilling a hole through my hip and the top of the femur. They then hammered (a slide hammer) a metal bar into the center of the bone, and put screws in at the top and bottom to secure it.
I had to lay down for 3 months, then crutches for 3 months, then a cane for 3 months - then I was close to back, just weak. I'm skinny, and so snowboarding the following year, I noticed it made the center of my leg ice cold. Because the screws were close to the skin surface, and sitting in the snow made the cold conduct into the center of my leg. Very disconcerting... So I had them remove the bar - not because of rejection though.
End result - I get a bit of a sore hip when it's going to rain, or if it's very damp and chilly. Other than that - no troubles!!! My blown out knee has been more troublesome - and that's still pretty good. :)
My most brutal break was when I broke my femur. For those of you that haven't had the pleasure, or a class in human anatomy and physiology, my thigh bone. I didn't just crack it either, I snapped that bad boy in two!
It was pretty scary and painful. So I was going snowboarding with some of my old friends, and I was very pleased to be doing so. I was using drugs at the time, but not that DAY - because my friends were not that type of people, and I wanted them to enjoy my company as well. I mention that because it makes a difference a bit later.
Well we had taken 3 or 4 runs, and most of them were the same. We were riding in the terrain park - that's the place with the big jumps - for those of you non-skiers or riders.
I wanted to show off for my friends - so I stopped at the top of the terrain park and I told them to go and wait at the 4th jump. The 4th jump in the park was as the steep part of the hill came to a flatter portion, and so they built a huge jump (cheese wedge kicker is what I call it) and then a spine, with a left side only landing. A spine is a triangle that extends a long ways - you can usually land on the left or the right side - but this was different because of trees.
Usually people would hit it, and land just a bit of the way down the spine, which extended at least 200ft. The jump was placed about 10ft before the spine, and you could either just jump the spine, or jump to it, if you were jumping bigger.
Well, I was planning on landing near the end of the spine, which was HUGE. I straight lined from the top, past the first 3 jumps, just collecting a ridiculous amount of speed.
Now, usually people would not go off the top of the kicker, they would go off the side, halfway up - and it would line up. Since I had so much more speed, I had to go off the top of the kicker, because I had to parallel the length of the spine. As I went speeding up the very tall jump (14' ish) I noticed there were some HUGE chunks of ice and snow there. This was because nobody else had been foolish enough to do this, and they didn't think anyone WOULD be. Someone has mentioned I could have ollied over the chunks - perhaps... I was going very fast, so it's possible that wouldn't have worked out well either.
What I DID choose to do, was to take a sharp left turn, off the very top of the jump. Now, as the jump was right when the mountain got to a flat portion - this was not recommended. I went flying off into space - not even remotely towards the landing. I was 18 at the time, and didn't just think I was invincible... I KNEW IT! Lol... So, I wasn't even worried - I did a huge stiffy grab and triple tweaked it, since I was flying SO FAR!
When you land a jump on a snowboard - especially on flatter ground - you land back foot, then front foot. The purpose of this is to use the tail of the snowboard as a bit of a shock absorber. As soon as my right foot hit the ground - my right femur SNAPPED!!!
I crumpled to the ground, and transferred the weight to my other 3 limbs, as I was now sliding to a stop, my board in front of me, and my weight mostly on my elbows and hands.
As soon as I stopped, my friends started riding away! I was like "Hey stop! I just broke my leg!" They were like, "for real?"
"Yes, now Pat come help me - you two go get ski patrol"
Pat came up and started taking my feet out of my bindings. I was just holding my upper thigh - right where it broke. I was just squeezing it and going "ohhh, oh my god... Gah... Etc.". To my credit I did not cry - I'm more of an emotional crier than a physical pain one.
Pat took my right foot out - I broke the right leg, and set it carefully and gingerly next to my binding - while I continued just holding it at the break.
He then moved to take my left foot out - as both of us thought was the best idea. Then my right leg TIPPED OVER!!!
Yes, it just twisted and flipped over... Curse physics!
It hurt SO BAD! I moaned painfully - Pat looked at it, and started to make the movements of someone that's about to throw up. I looked at him very seriously, "Pat - I NEED YOU right now. DO NOT puke on me! Pull down on my leg about an inch, and slowly rotate it back up."
To Pat's credit, and my benefit - he did it and did not throw up. We just stayed in that position until ski patrol arrived.
I forgot to put this in, but I foreshadowed it still - I was taking morphine at the time - I wasn't completely addicted, but I did have a bit of a tolerance. I actually had a "PF 100" in my pocket - which is a 100mg morphine sulfate pill. I KNEW it would take away my SEVERE pain - but I also knew I couldn't take LESS than a significant amount - and that would cause trouble at the hospital - since they undoubtedly planned to give me morphine as well. If you say you have been already taking morphine when you arrive - that's the fastest way to never get any - ever again.
Back to the story...
The patrolman goes "so you're injured huh?"
"Yeah, I broke my right thigh bone..."
"No you didn't, you just ruined your knee."
I was blown away - it's like, you're gonna really tell me I'm wrong?!?
"Well, it bent up here - so I'm quite certain it's broken."
I have thought of many funnier replies in years since, but that's the best true recollection of my comment. He then took my leg from Pat, and Pat took my other foot out of my binding. I was so sure I would snowboard again - so I wouldn't let the ski patroller cut my ski pants. I made him go in through the vents - and he cut my jeans. He had to make certain my broken bone didn't pop through the skin and cause tons of bleeding.
It had not broken through - and so he just got me all prepared and I took the sled down for the only time in my life. Despite breaking 3 other bones on the mountain, all in separate incidents. It's a bit of a point of pride with most long time riders and skiers, to not take the sled.
But so it truly was broken completely. You could have taken my leg off with any knife - and a bit of determination. The way they fix it - is a chore! Lol
First they put me in traction - that's when they (for me) drilled a hole through my shin bone and placed a metal rod through that hole. To the rod they connect cables that run to pulleys with little weights on them. This was to pull my leg apart - because your muscles naturally pull you together. The lack of the structural support of my femur, meant they needed to do this - until they finished the next part.
They actually used a hand cranked drill to put the rod in my shin bone. I remember it distinctly, although I could not feel any pain.
To fix the femur - they knocked me out. Thank god for that. To do it, they cut my hip and gained access to the top of the femur - by drilling a hole through my hip and the top of the femur. They then hammered (a slide hammer) a metal bar into the center of the bone, and put screws in at the top and bottom to secure it.
I had to lay down for 3 months, then crutches for 3 months, then a cane for 3 months - then I was close to back, just weak. I'm skinny, and so snowboarding the following year, I noticed it made the center of my leg ice cold. Because the screws were close to the skin surface, and sitting in the snow made the cold conduct into the center of my leg. Very disconcerting... So I had them remove the bar - not because of rejection though.
End result - I get a bit of a sore hip when it's going to rain, or if it's very damp and chilly. Other than that - no troubles!!! My blown out knee has been more troublesome - and that's still pretty good. :)
41-45, M
