I Have Something to Say
It's interesting from the outside looking in, when it comes to pregnancy loss, miscarriage or infant loss people so rarely ask how the dad is coping or dealing...
it's all about the Mom, and sometimes us moms can't see past our own pain and grief that we forget our husbands hurt. That almost cost me my marriage nearly 2 years ago when we lost Daniel. It took us some time to get back to us, and a lot of work. It would have been easier to walk away but the love and commitment we have for each other is unwavering....
3 times already we've lost an already developed baby. Not embryo, not fetus baby. We've also lost 3 other pregnancies earlier on too. So that's 6 times we have been through the unimaginable.
We find out we're finally having #3 and we guard our hearts we don't pick names we don't make plans but then things so perfect we start to think it will finally happen, we grow and nurture the idea of our growing family, pick names, start looking at baby essentials and nursery furniture, plan family announcements and trips etc etc etc. then suddenly a perfectly beautiful day turns into the most horrible day ever.
As I've been doing my own coping and grieving so has my husband. I ask him every day how he's feeling I don't push him when he doesn't want to talk about it and I'm there when he needs to.
Earlier today I left Sebastian and Natalia's Bears on my bed, I had been holding them for a good while after I nearly had a melt down when I couldn't find my crochet needle. So I felt close to them the only way I could- by holding my babies. When I got up I didn't move them to their newer temporary place which is on my dresser in my room next to my son Daniel's bear and urn.
My husband went to bed 20 minutes before I did, and he normal tosses and turns for a while until I join him and then he falls asleep once I'm next to him. Tonight he fell asleep before I walked into the bedroom. He had both our babies bears nestled into his arms his face slightly sinking into the bears foreheads. It touched my heart. I know he misses them too. We had so many plans and so many ideas of our lives but it was all torn away too soon. I watched my husband as he slept and I wrapped my arms around him. Tonight he needs to hold them more than I do....
Good night Similar Worlds
[image deleted][image deleted]
it's all about the Mom, and sometimes us moms can't see past our own pain and grief that we forget our husbands hurt. That almost cost me my marriage nearly 2 years ago when we lost Daniel. It took us some time to get back to us, and a lot of work. It would have been easier to walk away but the love and commitment we have for each other is unwavering....
3 times already we've lost an already developed baby. Not embryo, not fetus baby. We've also lost 3 other pregnancies earlier on too. So that's 6 times we have been through the unimaginable.
We find out we're finally having #3 and we guard our hearts we don't pick names we don't make plans but then things so perfect we start to think it will finally happen, we grow and nurture the idea of our growing family, pick names, start looking at baby essentials and nursery furniture, plan family announcements and trips etc etc etc. then suddenly a perfectly beautiful day turns into the most horrible day ever.
As I've been doing my own coping and grieving so has my husband. I ask him every day how he's feeling I don't push him when he doesn't want to talk about it and I'm there when he needs to.
Earlier today I left Sebastian and Natalia's Bears on my bed, I had been holding them for a good while after I nearly had a melt down when I couldn't find my crochet needle. So I felt close to them the only way I could- by holding my babies. When I got up I didn't move them to their newer temporary place which is on my dresser in my room next to my son Daniel's bear and urn.
My husband went to bed 20 minutes before I did, and he normal tosses and turns for a while until I join him and then he falls asleep once I'm next to him. Tonight he fell asleep before I walked into the bedroom. He had both our babies bears nestled into his arms his face slightly sinking into the bears foreheads. It touched my heart. I know he misses them too. We had so many plans and so many ideas of our lives but it was all torn away too soon. I watched my husband as he slept and I wrapped my arms around him. Tonight he needs to hold them more than I do....
Good night Similar Worlds
[image deleted][image deleted]
36-40, F
