I Need Therapy
[big]Session 15: Forcing out a memory...[/big]
[Later in the session...]
"What's the memory? Remember you are safe here."
"Me and a friend went skiing for the weekend. He had a contact who got us a resort hotel suite. I drove us up to the mountains. When we got there, we went to get something to eat and then we checked into the hotel and then went to the bar."
"Good... that sounds like fun. What happened next?"
"At the bar, we scanned the surroundings. One girl with her friends walked over to where we were sitting and starting talking... talking to both of us."
"Go on..."
"It was just a nice superficial conversation. I remember my friend kept nodding at me and smiling. He mentioned that we were staying in a suite and described the room. I didn't say much, but I added some funny commentary to each thing he said and we all laughed. The alcohol was doing its job. Then, he casually and expertly said, 'So do you want to come up and see it?' His timing and delivery were precise and perfectly executed. She said, 'yeah, sure.' And, she smiled at both of us, touched each of our hands, my friend smiled, and the three of us got up to leave."
"It's okay. You are safe here. You see what is happening as though you are there, but you know you are here, with me, safe and comfortable."
"On the way to the room, the girl said she forgot something, needed to go to her room, and would join us in a few minutes. Once in our suite, my friend said, 'I think she likes you. You need to make your move. I'm kind of tired, so I will probably just go to sleep early; I want to hit the slopes as soon as they open in the morning.' The girl came and we all sat down in the main room... the living room I guess... my friend turned down the lights. Me and the girl were on the couch; my friend was on the chair. For me, the conversation became strained. It was as if I was talking through a translator; everything I said sounded stilted, awkward, and pathetic. I could see my friend becoming exasperated. Suddenly, the conversation 'spotlight' turned to the girl and my friend. She turned her body to him and It felt like I was in the dark. My friend said to her, 'do you want to see my room?' and the girl said, "yeah, sure.'"
"What are you feeling right now... in that moment?"
"Abandoned... alone... lonely...deficient... like a failure, I guess... a social failure..."
"Good, what else?"
"Ugly... repulsive... cast out."
"Can you accept that maybe you were shy? Or, that maybe you weren't looking for anything beyond some polite conversation?"
"I don't [c=#A69800]know...[/c]"
"Okay, go on... what happened next?"
"After a few minutes, my friend came back into the living room where I was watching TV. I felt like I was in shock. I couldn't move. He said, 'nothing is going to happen; we're just going to lay in bed together. Getting out to hit the slopes in the morning is going to be great.' I timidly said, 'Yeah...' He floated away. I feel... felt... weak, timid, intimidated, useless, worthless..."
"It's okay; you're safe here."
"No one wants me..."
"Let's come back into full consciousness now, in the here and now. You feel the past letting go, easy, comfortably, and safely. You see where you are, here with me. You are safe and you are awake and you feel refreshed with full memory of everything that you were feeling, but knowing it's in the past."
"Hi..."
"Hi. What do you think?"
"I guess it was revealing...?"
"How do you mean?"
"Well, it kind of makes me realize where my feelings are coming from."
"Right, but maybe you have associated the memories with the wrong feelings and subconsciously reinforced them."
"Yeah... maybe... I guess..."
"Do you think you want to continue with this the next time?"
"I don't know... yes... I guess... I don't know..."
"[Laughs] Okay, we can talk about it the next time."
[I felt pissed, annoyed, and angry that he laughed...]
[Later in the session...]
"What's the memory? Remember you are safe here."
"Me and a friend went skiing for the weekend. He had a contact who got us a resort hotel suite. I drove us up to the mountains. When we got there, we went to get something to eat and then we checked into the hotel and then went to the bar."
"Good... that sounds like fun. What happened next?"
"At the bar, we scanned the surroundings. One girl with her friends walked over to where we were sitting and starting talking... talking to both of us."
"Go on..."
"It was just a nice superficial conversation. I remember my friend kept nodding at me and smiling. He mentioned that we were staying in a suite and described the room. I didn't say much, but I added some funny commentary to each thing he said and we all laughed. The alcohol was doing its job. Then, he casually and expertly said, 'So do you want to come up and see it?' His timing and delivery were precise and perfectly executed. She said, 'yeah, sure.' And, she smiled at both of us, touched each of our hands, my friend smiled, and the three of us got up to leave."
"It's okay. You are safe here. You see what is happening as though you are there, but you know you are here, with me, safe and comfortable."
"On the way to the room, the girl said she forgot something, needed to go to her room, and would join us in a few minutes. Once in our suite, my friend said, 'I think she likes you. You need to make your move. I'm kind of tired, so I will probably just go to sleep early; I want to hit the slopes as soon as they open in the morning.' The girl came and we all sat down in the main room... the living room I guess... my friend turned down the lights. Me and the girl were on the couch; my friend was on the chair. For me, the conversation became strained. It was as if I was talking through a translator; everything I said sounded stilted, awkward, and pathetic. I could see my friend becoming exasperated. Suddenly, the conversation 'spotlight' turned to the girl and my friend. She turned her body to him and It felt like I was in the dark. My friend said to her, 'do you want to see my room?' and the girl said, "yeah, sure.'"
"What are you feeling right now... in that moment?"
"Abandoned... alone... lonely...deficient... like a failure, I guess... a social failure..."
"Good, what else?"
"Ugly... repulsive... cast out."
"Can you accept that maybe you were shy? Or, that maybe you weren't looking for anything beyond some polite conversation?"
"I don't [c=#A69800]know...[/c]"
"Okay, go on... what happened next?"
"After a few minutes, my friend came back into the living room where I was watching TV. I felt like I was in shock. I couldn't move. He said, 'nothing is going to happen; we're just going to lay in bed together. Getting out to hit the slopes in the morning is going to be great.' I timidly said, 'Yeah...' He floated away. I feel... felt... weak, timid, intimidated, useless, worthless..."
"It's okay; you're safe here."
"No one wants me..."
"Let's come back into full consciousness now, in the here and now. You feel the past letting go, easy, comfortably, and safely. You see where you are, here with me. You are safe and you are awake and you feel refreshed with full memory of everything that you were feeling, but knowing it's in the past."
"Hi..."
"Hi. What do you think?"
"I guess it was revealing...?"
"How do you mean?"
"Well, it kind of makes me realize where my feelings are coming from."
"Right, but maybe you have associated the memories with the wrong feelings and subconsciously reinforced them."
"Yeah... maybe... I guess..."
"Do you think you want to continue with this the next time?"
"I don't know... yes... I guess... I don't know..."
"[Laughs] Okay, we can talk about it the next time."
[I felt pissed, annoyed, and angry that he laughed...]
