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I Need Therapy

[u]Session 13: I need therapy[/u]...

"To tell you the truth, I was thinking about you and hoping I would see you before the holidays. I remember this is when you always feel like you need to talk. So, I am glad you are here."

"Yeah, I guess I've been feeling... I don't know... like I'm about to break down."

"Oh... describe that feeling for me."

"Well, it's just that things have been going pretty good lately... but..."

"Yes...?"

"Well, it's just that I feel like I have one foot on a path that is headed toward my goal and the other foot on a path that is about to crumble and I wonder if I can jump on one or the other paths because they are both about to go in different directions."

"You mean like a fork in the road...? Sorry, to use a cliché..."

"Yeah, like that."

"So describe each path. What is each one like?"

"Well, the about to crumble path is the one I've been on. It's solitary, lonely, and oppressive."

"And, the other path...?"

"The thing is... I've been making progress in talking to people, in feeling connected with people... but..."

"But...?"

"I don't know; I'm still kind of deficient. I can't tell if people really like me. Maybe they just feel sorry for me. Or, they just tolerate me."

"I know you don't like it when I say it, but it just seems more and more you have a classic case of social anxiety. Tell me about one of your recent interactions. What happened?"

"Well... I went up to one person at the gym who I have had some conversations with and said hello and we just started talking."

"That's good. That's quite a step forward."

"Yeah, I guess, but... I don't know. It could have been better."

"It's just a casual conversation. You seem to want to judge and rate it. Not every conversation requires so much analysis. You felt like talking to someone and you did and that person engaged with you. Can't it just be that and no more?"

"I don't know..."

"Come on. What did you talk to him about?"

"He mentioned he was tired. He asked me what I was doing for Thanksgiving. He said he was tired. We talked about working out - and supplements. He said I was argumentative, but not in accusing or mean way. More like he was joking around and said I should consider becoming an attorney."

"And, what did you do?"

"I laughed and said, yeah people say I am argumentative."

"And, how did it make you feel?"

"It didn't really make me feel any way. It was just conversation."

"Exactly. So, what is wrong?"

"Well... nothing, I guess. It's just that literally I was... I don't know... feeling connected, I guess."

"That's great!"

"Yeah..."

"Why don't you feel like this is a victory?"

"I don't know..."

"Come on... why do you think?"

"Something like this [i]shouldn't[/i] be a victory."

"Listen to me. You wanted to engage with people and now you are. Before, you didn't even know how to do it. Now, you do. This is a victory. Right..?"

"Yeah, I guess..."
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MarkPaul · 26-30, M
Yeah... that's kind of it. I mean, I guess I didn't really see it that way until now that you mention it. The thing is... [sigh] I seem to want to talk to people... I seem to want that... link with people... but it ends up making me feel disconnected and empty. And, I always go back to feeling like I am somehow deficient, hopeless, and destined to be forever alone. I guess that's not so horrible, but still... this relatively new desire to have intimate relationships is literally driving me crazy.

 
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