Damn. I'm such a snowflake
I didn't understand an instruction at work so I asked again.
The boss wanted me to shift a patient to the OR. But the primary team hadn't asked us to shift them yet. I wanted communicate with the primary team before shifting as well. Because sitting awake and idle in an OR always increases any patient's anxiety, and I wanted to avoid it if possible.
So I told my boss again that the primary team hasn't given us the cue yet, so if he's sure he wants the patient shifted. My boss just looked at me with a dead pan look, as if to tell me I'm stupid and also that he isn't asked the same question twice. I froze. I didn't understand why he'd be so pissed about it. Did it hurt his ego. I just stared back at him with a confused look on my face. For a few seconds. But he was unblinking. So I finally understood....broke the eyelock, mumbled to myself, then left to do as he had told.
I wanted to cry. I felt stupid and slow and disgusting. Why did I feel I could be comfortable enough to ask him something I don't understand? I'm always visibly uncomfortable. Today I didn't feel the discomfort after a long time. I felt what I was doing and saying was right. And I've already been told to "stay down" for it with that look on his face.
I'm just a corporate slave. How dare I question authority? How dare I step a foot out of the line and be confident in my skin? It's an entitled thing to do!!
So yeah. That's how hierarchies work. Some people are full of themselves and they're at the top.
The boss wanted me to shift a patient to the OR. But the primary team hadn't asked us to shift them yet. I wanted communicate with the primary team before shifting as well. Because sitting awake and idle in an OR always increases any patient's anxiety, and I wanted to avoid it if possible.
So I told my boss again that the primary team hasn't given us the cue yet, so if he's sure he wants the patient shifted. My boss just looked at me with a dead pan look, as if to tell me I'm stupid and also that he isn't asked the same question twice. I froze. I didn't understand why he'd be so pissed about it. Did it hurt his ego. I just stared back at him with a confused look on my face. For a few seconds. But he was unblinking. So I finally understood....broke the eyelock, mumbled to myself, then left to do as he had told.
I wanted to cry. I felt stupid and slow and disgusting. Why did I feel I could be comfortable enough to ask him something I don't understand? I'm always visibly uncomfortable. Today I didn't feel the discomfort after a long time. I felt what I was doing and saying was right. And I've already been told to "stay down" for it with that look on his face.
I'm just a corporate slave. How dare I question authority? How dare I step a foot out of the line and be confident in my skin? It's an entitled thing to do!!
So yeah. That's how hierarchies work. Some people are full of themselves and they're at the top.
31-35, F
