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Are there any atheist out there who secretly pray to God? [Spirituality & Religion]

In your heart do you secretly believe in God or want to believe in God?
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HatsOnFrogs · 26-30, M
Sometimes I wish there was a god, but not any of the gods that exist. At the same time, I hate the idea of my life being controlled and pre made. It's just occasionally, it seems like a comforting though. The idea that there is always something there. I just can't believe, nor agree with so many of the beliefs.