Why did God treat me like nothing? [Spirituality & Religion]

My husband is an a-hole. he wouldn't let us have children. i have been raped and beaten on many occasions by other people including family members. my husband and i don't have sex or rape. i have been suicidal since i was 10 and i have never had friends or family or anyone. i am the nicest sweetest person i know. i think i am ready to go now.