is it weird to look back at your past then cry tears of joy and sadness

@ChiefJustWalks I understand. I rarely don't cry but idk tonight hit me different [media=https://youtu.be/SuFwez5e3pY] I was listening to this song. It just got me busting tears you know. I think I told you that I grew up with alot nortenos in Cali. I never joined but was close to. Seeing alot of my friends die because of street shit, I always felt guilty.

@empanadas man I love that song 👌 such a classic fr. It still hits hard every time I hear it. Even more now that we're older & understand it deeper.

I feel you for sure though. I have a post sitting in my drafts that I never posted. It's about losing friends to the system, knowing they'll never get outta prison. Being at funerals & seeing their families mourn. I wrote about how guilty I feel sometimes thinking back on everything like "why do I deserve to be here?". Like it's messed up. I never helped anyone... I did the same ol' shit with them. Why do I deserve to be alive & free & they don't. It's a guilty ass feeling fr & I think about it all the time the older I get