One of the songs that stay in my heart

Is called you will be in my heart by Phil Collins from the Disney movie Tarzan. It reminds me of my family members who care about me, love me, and protect me even though they drive me crazy at times when trying to change how I dress. It reminds me of my ex boyfriend who loved me so long ago and he would comfort me when I was depressed and sad. My family has always been there for me even if they tried to change me ( they will not let go on trying to change how warmly dressed up and bundled up I am which makes me angry) and they protected me from falling through the cracks and being hungry, impoverished, or homeless. I owe them a lot. I just wish they didn’t feel the need to criticize or comment and insult my clothing choices. I also wish they wouldn’t go through my room and touch things. I also wish my ex boyfriend was still in my life and we were still together but I broke up with him after I realized I had a psychotic break from reality and didn’t want to put him through dealing with my mental illnesses and waiting for me to get my act together so we could be together in real life for many more years. I love my family and I love my ex boyfriend. This song reminds me of him and how he would comfort me in my times of sadness and despair. He loved me despite all my flaws and waited patiently for me for seven to eight years. He encouraged me to finish my studies like my family so I could be independent and self sufficient. He never judged me and always listened to my troubles and gave me advice. He was so kind and gentle. He never lied to me and would sometimes keep the worries of his life from me so I wouldn’t be more sad. The truth was he was faithful even though he was halfway across the world from me. All he wanted was love and honesty. He needed me to be the one to save money for meeting and staying together in real life because the truth was he was poor even on an accountant salary job in India. He had aging parents to help financially support. I wish I didn’t have so many problems because he was a good, intelligent man and even though I wanted to get back together after I broke up with him because I feel I made a huge mistake, he thought I needed someone in real life to love. I was a bit lonely in an online relationship even though he paid me a lot of attention. I wish things would have been easier for us to start a life together. I dated before him but he was my first true love. I know how could someone fall in love online someone might think? But it is possible. We were honest and vulnerable with each other. We shared an authentic relationship based on mutual affection and respect. We were devoted to each other and one day we both hoped to have started our lives together in the real world and live together and get married. Anyway the song you’ll be in my heart reminds me even though he is not in my life anymore he will always be there in my heart and memories. He was always there for me when I needed him. I lost him once as a boyfriend and a second time as a friend. He decided to stop the friendship once he was courting/dating and getting engaged to another woman a few months after we broke up. He told me to please take care of myself and to have a good life. Which was a kind way of saying goodbye. Sometimes I like to imagine that he is still thinking of me too. So staying together was not our destiny but our love I believe never died. I feel we had a bond that could never be broken even if he married someone else and even though two years and several months have passed since he last talked to me. We broke up three years and two weeks ago. He told me he missed me and loved me, but could still let me go for both of our sakes. He sent me a video clip from 13 reasons why saying I can love you and still let you go. It’s at Hannah bakers funeral when clay Jensen starts letting her go even though he remembers her and honors her memory. I never forgot my ex boyfriend. It’s hard to forget the love of your life. I have got to hold on even though he is not with me anymore and when I look over my shoulder I see him. His essence and soul ties to mine. He will always be in my heart even when we both die and pass on to the other world. True love does not die. He loved me for many years and the thing is he found me when similarworlds was experience project. He fell in love with my mind first . I owe him and my family so much for loving me. My family knew about him I didn’t tell them everything but they knew he was an important part of my life. He forgave me a couple of times when it turned out my two of guy friends were trying to get with me and he warned me that would happen. I stopped being friends with them because they clearly did not respect me. They knew I was in a relationship even if it was an online long distance one. My ex boyfriend validated my feelings and emotions. He validated my thoughts and way I viewed my life experiences. He challenged me to be a better version of myself with finishing my online studies and courses and to find work so I could move out on my own. He also said he could see an eventual break up happening if I didn’t finish my online vocational courses because I would be waiting too long for us to get together. He was often right about situations. He tried to get me to talk to my parents and open up about how they made me feel sometimes. He was highly intuitive . I felt safe and cherished with him. His arms would have kept me safe and warm. My family did not understand how I could have fallen in love with someone online but in time if we had come together we could have showed them and they would see why in time. We needed each other to have and to hold just like the song lyrics say. Sujeet and I were different in some ways but deep inside us we were not that different at all. We were two lost souls who felt like outcasts in the world and connected in a way that felt like home. I miss him but the best way to honor him is to let him live his life and take care of my life to be much better and functional. That’s what he wanted my well being and happiness. Even when I had cancer, remembering his love for me helped me get through it. There are times I still have whole conversations with him in my head like he is still there. He was never more than a text, email, phone call or video call away if I needed him. He will be with here with me always. When my family gets old and so on, I know they will always be apart of my life in spirit. I should spend more time with them while I still have the chance. This song reminds me not to take anyone for granted and that love endures even in separation and sometimes death when your loved ones pass on to the other world. Even though Phil Collins wrote this song for his daughter lily collins, it can encompass many types of love not just parental love. It’s a heartfelt emotional love song. And I listen to it repeatedly and when I listen to this song I cannot help but cry. Because I miss my ex boyfriend and I miss some of my family.