I am so bored
Oh Rachel ( 1950's A Doo-Wop Tragedy)
(Picture a slow, dramatic finger snapping beginning. The lead singer steps forward with a hand on heart. Backup singers hum a smooth "doo-wop, doo-bee-doo" in harmony.)
Lead:
Oh Rachel… (Oh Rachel…)
We were at the bake sale, such a sweet affair…
You reached for that cream puff, took it without care…
Then slipped on a stray macaron—ohhh-weee!
Landed right in the fondue fountain, you see…
Harmony:
Doo-wop, doo-wah, Rachel’s gone too soon…
Doo-wop, doo-bee-doo, beneath the chocolate moon…
Lead:
Rachel, baby, now you’re in dessert heaven…
Swimming in custard, no longer earthbound or leaven…
They say you died with a smile on your face…
Stuck to the ladle—what a sugary grace…
Backup Singer 1 (dramatic wail):
Ohhh, Rachel! You lived how you pleased!
Ate all the tarts, never said “enough,” please!
You were the queen of the cookie display…
Now you’re compost for cupcakes—au revoir, hooray!
Backup Singer 2 (sniffling):
All alone… how will I bake?
Without my best friend… I’m in a crumble…
I’ll miss you, Rachel… like pie misses its crust…
You were the sprinkle on my life’s sweet trust…
Lead:
Oh Rachel! (Oh Rachel!)
Please, baby, please! (Oh, the sugar rush!)
This is what happens when you skip the safety zone…
And dive headfirst into whipped cream unknown…
You hoped it would be fluffy…
But nope…
Dot dot dot…
All (shouting): CHERRY STONE!
(Picture a slow, dramatic finger snapping beginning. The lead singer steps forward with a hand on heart. Backup singers hum a smooth "doo-wop, doo-bee-doo" in harmony.)
Lead:
Oh Rachel… (Oh Rachel…)
We were at the bake sale, such a sweet affair…
You reached for that cream puff, took it without care…
Then slipped on a stray macaron—ohhh-weee!
Landed right in the fondue fountain, you see…
Harmony:
Doo-wop, doo-wah, Rachel’s gone too soon…
Doo-wop, doo-bee-doo, beneath the chocolate moon…
Lead:
Rachel, baby, now you’re in dessert heaven…
Swimming in custard, no longer earthbound or leaven…
They say you died with a smile on your face…
Stuck to the ladle—what a sugary grace…
Backup Singer 1 (dramatic wail):
Ohhh, Rachel! You lived how you pleased!
Ate all the tarts, never said “enough,” please!
You were the queen of the cookie display…
Now you’re compost for cupcakes—au revoir, hooray!
Backup Singer 2 (sniffling):
All alone… how will I bake?
Without my best friend… I’m in a crumble…
I’ll miss you, Rachel… like pie misses its crust…
You were the sprinkle on my life’s sweet trust…
Lead:
Oh Rachel! (Oh Rachel!)
Please, baby, please! (Oh, the sugar rush!)
This is what happens when you skip the safety zone…
And dive headfirst into whipped cream unknown…
You hoped it would be fluffy…
But nope…
Dot dot dot…
All (shouting): CHERRY STONE!
