i can't understand my elderly mums thinking about this

there has been times in life i've not understood my mums mentality or way of thinking and i felt confused by it. as how she thought, is not how i would feel about it or see it.

my elderly mums cousin 'Joan' is gravely ill and in agony, she's in the last stages of terminal cancer and on the highest dose of morphine possible, she has lost the ability to even communicate now to...and i was talking to my mum on the phone about it last night, my mum said she's heartbroken about Joan, as she was always so close to her as kids and they grew up together in the 1950s and 60s....but my mum said she can't wait for Joan to pass on now as it's the best thing for her because she'l be out of her pain....and go to god, to heaven to be with her mum and other family?

and i couldn't understand that way of thinking, because if it was me, and i had someone so close to me dying in agony of cancer, i wouldn't want them to be in extreme agony and pain, but i also wouldn't want them to pass away and leave me....so i would be devastated and not know what to do....but i sure wouldn't want my loved one to soon pass away to be out of her pain? and go to god , my mum is catholic and spiritual too.

so i didn't understand my mums way of thinking on this, and felt confused and started to doubt her love for me? because if it was me, her son, the one with cancer...would she want the same for me to?, to pass on soon, to be out of my pain and agony? i'm her son for crying out loud.......if it was my mum who was in joan's situation i wouldn't want my mum to be in pain, but i sure wouldn't want her to pass away soon to be ' out of her pain', that would be unbearable to me, as i wouldn't want my mum to leave me......so i would be heartbroken and not know what to do.

i'd appreciate anyone's thought on this and whether you think my mum is right with her way of thinking.

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Picklebobble2 · 61-69, M

With age comes experience.
With experience comes knowledge.

For you, terminal illness, living with and through incurable disease and pain is a concept.
You know about it but have no direct experience of it.
You've never had to watch as it takes hold and destroys who you love one day at a time.

You're entitled to your view obviously.
But hers comes from a different place.

Diotrephes · 70-79, M

@durinsBane1983 = The reality is that we will all die and that there aren't very many good ways for it to happen. It is selfish to want loved ones to continually suffer horrible pains when they are dying just because you don't want them to leave you. That is why medical assistance in dying is becoming more popular.

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Diotrephes · 70-79, M

@durinsBane1983 Yes, I do agree with your mother's thinking. I have experienced such situations numerous times with my family, the last time when my wife of 39 years was dying at home in our bed.

durinsBane1983 · 46-50, M

@Diotrephes i'm sorry to hear of your late wife, it must've been devastating, thanks for your views anyway and best wishes /merry xmas.

Diotrephes · 70-79, M

@durinsBane1983 Thank you for the kind words. It was a very depressing experience.

Wiseacre · F

I understand…ur mom doesn’t want her to suffer. Wanting someone to live in spite of great pain is supremely selfish. The world doesn’t revolve around u, durins. Yes, I believe if ur in pain, ur mom would want the same for u, as u’d probably want to die, too.

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