When they don't understand...

It's okay.
You do not have to explain yourself.
Those who love you deeply will love you without accountability.

Those who prefer to only critique, to only notice your faults and never appreciate you as a whole being... their minds are too full of their own concerns (more important than you).

Don't lose your time trying to explain... they won't hear...
You know who you are. You know how you are.

Don't let anyone, even family, affect negatively your true essence.
You know you mean well, you know you are doing your best.
If they are blind to see you, the real you, ... it is deplorable for them... they miss out on the chance to see a beautiful star because they are too busy being unhappy that they don't have the moon. It is not your weight to carry.

Be yourself, do your best. That's more than enough.
One day, they may understand... or not...
You don't have to carry out their journey for them.
You can just hope that one day you meet at the top of the mountain and wish them to realize some deeper truths earlier on so that their hearts can find peace...

Nomad7 · 22-25, M

That’s selfish. Relationships are often ruined because of a lack of accountability, whether that stems from arrogance or poor communication.

If you think how others feel is on them, then know that when they leave you, then your feelings are also on you.

It’s nice to have a sense of self, but it’s absurd to think that you’re so special, that everyone else should do the work to figure you out. The faster you learn this, the better

Busybee333 · 31-35, F

@Nomad7 I hear you. I am just exhausted from trying to please everyone, tending to their wishes, and still not being "enough". Out of home and at home. And when they fail at something because they overlooked some detail, I don't blame them, I look for constructive ways to solve the situation instead, or stay quiet and help them clean the mess they made. On the contrary, when I am the one who did some mistake or forgot something because I didn't notice some detail... the world of guilt-trips is just poured on my head (as if I didn't already beat myself over it enough). I am tired of "explaining" that I am doing my best.

I am all for communication. Constructive criticism is one thing, I am all for it, I appreciate it, I am grateful for it! Completely robbing one of their value is another. If someone lends a sincere ear, I can tell them, if they wish to know. But often, people ask "what" or "why", but when you answer, they either don't listen, or change the words you just said. There is no right answer. Just.. I can't even trust completely my own family and it feels wrong. Is not family supposed to have a team-growth kind of mindset? :/

Edit: after thinking again, it is me who is afraid to put that wall. I don't believe that there should be a wall between my heart and my family's hearts. But some distance is maybe good... a safe emotional distance to be able to be more analytical and less emotional. I am still working on that patience....

Busybee333 · 31-35, F

@Nomad7 About love without accountability - I have loved someone that way before. I did not blame him for anything. Our paths separated, but my love did not contain blame in it. I don't know how to express this... but when you meet someone that does not blame you for every move you make... it changes your perspective on "healthy communication".