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I Have Major Trust Issues

I wasn't usually as untrusting as I am now. It might have taken me a month or two to warm up to a new friend. But losing a very close relative (my younger brother) about 6 years ago now shook a lot of worms out of the woodwork. People I thought were close were so closed off in their opinion of him that anything I said didn't matter. At least there were a few diamonds in the rough. Due to the circumstances of his death though, I find it hard to trust anyone i'm not close to or at least known for a few years.
Septwreckage2010
41-45, M
10 replies 14 views May 1, 2016
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Fungirlmmm · 51-55, F
Have you thought of doing something in his honor? I don't know the whole story but if he had an illness then support a cute for that illness... Take up a hobby that he had and do it in his memory. That way you'll be close to him in that moment and also it is a way of him living inside you. Sit down and write his life story as only a brother can tell it. Give time to one of his favorite charities. There are more things but I'll stop before I overload you.
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Septwreckage2010 · 41-45, M
Not speaking poorly of the dead is a rule that only some seem to follow. And unfortunately my time after his passing doesn't honestly feel worth all that much, not that i'm looking to die. I have plenty to keep me occupied. Just precious little to keep me interested.
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Fungirlmmm · 51-55, F
Then get your ass up and get busy. Stop sitting there waiting to die and get out there and live. Live love and laugh. Yes, love family but love yourself. Get back out there. You have mourned enough while locked away.(omg I think i was thinking of what your brother would say. I don't mean to offend.)
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Septwreckage2010 · 41-45, M
He was always to the point, and no offence taken. And I do get out. Force myself to do stuff. Try to find things I might like. I just don't seem to find the same zeal for things I did with him around. I have no real set goals because I have no pressing interests, except being there for my family.
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Septwreckage2010 · 41-45, M
Me and him used to work together on almost everything. We were just that close. But i've neglected my own life since his passing. I spend most of it taking care of my mom, and sister's children, for the past six years. My brother would kick my @ss if he knew lol
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Septwreckage2010 · 41-45, M
Oddly enough, yeah. He was more of a natural, in the moment, moral compass to me. Someone I could doublecheck myself with, bounce ideas off of. Now I just feel like my life isn't really my own, more of an uncontrolled sled ride really.
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Fungirlmmm · 51-55, F
I'm so sorry for your loss. And forget others thoughts of him. All that matters is that you love him and what he was to you.
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Septwreckage2010 · 41-45, M
Thank you. I just find it frustrating that some of his closest friends could even think that he wanted to die. They make me sick.
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Fungirlmmm · 51-55, F
They aren't worthy of your time. You never speak negative about The deceased. That is cruel and rude.
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · May 1, 2016
Fungirlmmm · 51-55, F
He was your leader and compass and you are getting lost without him.
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · May 1, 2016
 
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