Finding People
When talking to boys, I feel like they only need or want a part or two of my personality, a side of a person if you will. Some, I felt needed emotional support. Some needed people to understand them. Some needed ego/confidence boost (which I have no time for unless the credit is well deserved). I think confidence is good, and ego is bad btw.
But rarely, I feel calm enough to just be. Whoever I am at that moment. The one that comes when I'm just being myself, more than I usually show. And I like being her more than being just a part of her. Because this one is like the coming of a universe and not just a place in it. My world. Who I am.
Funny story though. I tend to intimidate them without really putting much effort. I just talk and share ideas and BAM... It's like they're not ready for me.
But what I can't do and what I don't want and am trying hard not to do, is to settle again. I can't downgrade my standards to feed someone's bowl of need.
I made a mistake of draining myself for that. I learned I have the choice not to and I can just move along and skip finding people until I end up crossing paths with people who are also goal seekers and dreamers and idealists and people who have been through a lot and became stronger, kinder. Those who persevere and fight in life. Those who learn from their mistakes and from the lives of others. Powerful yet modest. Strong yet knows how to be gentle. Helpful when deemed appropriate, but never a doormat.
And yeah. This is the page we're on.
One in a billion. Totally worth it.
But rarely, I feel calm enough to just be. Whoever I am at that moment. The one that comes when I'm just being myself, more than I usually show. And I like being her more than being just a part of her. Because this one is like the coming of a universe and not just a place in it. My world. Who I am.
Funny story though. I tend to intimidate them without really putting much effort. I just talk and share ideas and BAM... It's like they're not ready for me.
But what I can't do and what I don't want and am trying hard not to do, is to settle again. I can't downgrade my standards to feed someone's bowl of need.
I made a mistake of draining myself for that. I learned I have the choice not to and I can just move along and skip finding people until I end up crossing paths with people who are also goal seekers and dreamers and idealists and people who have been through a lot and became stronger, kinder. Those who persevere and fight in life. Those who learn from their mistakes and from the lives of others. Powerful yet modest. Strong yet knows how to be gentle. Helpful when deemed appropriate, but never a doormat.
And yeah. This is the page we're on.
One in a billion. Totally worth it.
