This is only a rant.

So, I'm typically grouchy, antisocial and not a very joyful person to be around. That being Said, I rightfully feel incredibly guilty for my disposition. Despite a number of setbacks, both major and minor, my life has been incredibly fortunate. My childhood couldn't have held any better opportunities, or support system, which I, regretfully often, took for granted.

My point, and I do have one, is that every year around Christmas time my feelings of guilt manifest in a driving need to seek out a few families that would greatly benefit from Christmas presents, so that I can extend some little echo of all of the blessings that I had growing up. These days though, with life existing so much on the Internet, everything seems to be a scam. I've been scammed multiple times over the years by people who would return gifts bought for children, or refuse to accept anything but cash. There was even a case of a couple showing up in a new Lexus to meet me, so that I could by gifts for their children. It's so frustrating and difficult to even trust reputable charities these days.

I think my inner guit driven pseudo charitable behavior has left me even more jaded with the whole holiday thing than I was wallowing in my own self pity and grinchdom. Either way. I'll go back to my Internet search. That is all.