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Long rant. Don’t care if anyone reads it, just gotta let it out.

I thought we had a decent arrangement. Friends that have sex. No commitment or mushy stuff. Just pure fun. And it was while it lasted I guess.

I gave to him. Often more than he could handle. Hours and hours of passion, his cock received the royal treatment. I took good care of him because I liked to, but I noticed when I was aching for touch or just a little effort, he was only sittin back, chillin with his dick in my mouth. No touching, no caressing, not even rough stuff. He would reciprocate, but I could tell it was lazy.

Over time the rude things he would say and do were piling up. As friends and as fuck buddies, he must of thought he had the upper hand and his actions were becoming predictable.

I called him out on some of the things he said, including calling me a, “weird fuck date” to one of his friends I just met right in front of me. I called him out for being lazy and greedy with my efforts. There was a lot, I had realized, I was tolerating because he had a big dick and i could have it any time I wanted.

He lied so much 😆 He swore he never said the things he said. He said he didn’t know how to have sex 😂 I let him hurt me sometimes because pain is kind of a turn on for me, then he told me that I hurt him when he went down on me and I moved my hips 😆

The best part was I had explained to him months before that I believed I was addicted to sex. Because of PTSD, I’ve always been hyper sexual, but at the time I was trying to feel safe. I needed sex, but just one person I could trust. I don’t want stds or to end up murdered in a parking lot. I thought he was my friend too. But when I told him I was worried about being addicted, when I told him I couldn’t stop and I was worried what effect it would have after awhile, he kept right on pressuring. That hurt big time, but also, I wanted the sex.

I couldn’t stop myself and after the past few months of this giving and getting treated like trash, my libido slammed the door on me and my heart was like, bitch this isn’t even fun anymore.

It turned into an argument. I spoke up for myself and he didn’t like it. That was when he told me I hurt him because I couldn’t hold perfectly still while enjoying oral sex. Said he never called me a weird fuck date, denied the other things he said and blamed me somehow for being too horny. I walked out and ignored him the rest of the week.

We only met on Saturday nights. It was my only free time. Last night he tried to get me to come over and I said no. I’m not turned on by him anymore. Only his cock. Which it’s hard to even think about because I want cock so much.

But I have yet to meet a man who could give me pleasure and respect. I thought I was asking the bare minimum of him. He was completely inconsiderate and I let it go because I wondered if that’s what being a good fwb is. I thought it was sexy we could both live our life and join for sex because we weren’t compatible when our clothes were on. But he treated me like trash and I let him.

I have decided I need to keep to myself. Maybe I can get some dick here and there, but I’m done seeking ANYTHING.

Men don’t want to love me. They don’t want to respect me or please me and they don’t care how I feel. The part that hurts is that’s what I’m ready to give. I’m ready to give it all. I love to see men smile. I love pleasing and giving. But all I’ve ever known of men is that they take until you’re empty. They leave you with a bigger mess than you started and don’t care.

If I spend the remainder of my life alone, I will be certain that was my fate all along. Because I’ve only ever been treated poorly. I could blame my dad or the men that raped me. I could blame inequality but truth is nobody cares. They get they want and they don’t care.

It’s not like I don’t believe in good guys. I adore my son. But I can’t find one good one and I only attract the worst kind. I wonder if I’ll always just be trash to men. If there’s no possible way for anyone to see me as the much more I am. Or if I’m just empty now. Drained and dry. No good for anything at all.

I always did my best to be good to people, but I’m just here in existence to be drained. I put everything into being a mom except Saturday night. But last night I went to the gym. I did something for myself and my health.

I always wondered how some women can get whatever they want from men and these good guys always end up with some bitch. But I get nothing. Whether daughter, doting wife, or fwb, I mean nothing to the male population except what I give. It hurts my everything. Body, heart, spirit. How did I end up nothing?
StraightLacedLADY · 41-45, F
Women never get whatever they want from men, there's always something they give up most of the time they just arrogantly think they don't, until many years later. It's all about perspective and how well the dirty little details are hidden. Trust me, hell always comes for what it's owed.

Also, men aren't a bank with an ATM to just take what we want just like we aren't for them. I'm sure that's not how it was intended but something to consider.

Finally, take care of you. Heal you. Learn Your behavior patterns and then correct them before trying to get into ANY kind of intimate relationship.
True intimacy is in the mind, not in the body. Our body is just the vessel for our beautiful life to satisfy it's mission in. Take care of it but don't become a slave to it.
CopperFox420 · 36-40, F
@StraightLacedLADY this is great unsolicited advice thanks but I get it. I’ve never treated a man like an ATM so I don’t know where you got that. I’ve never even seen you before. Thanks anyway
StraightLacedLADY · 41-45, F
@CopperFox420 I understand and apologize if there was any offense, it was the "how some women can get whatever they want from men" comment I was speaking to. The mouth speaks out of the abundance of the heart.
Best wishes on your journey though!
Darin99branch · 51-55, M
You. Are always seeking. Always trying. Embracing new experiences. New knowledge. Better circumstances. Deeper understanding. In short, continual improvement for you and your son. You change direction if it’s not working. You never quit. You, I trust will find good, decent, fulfilling life because you are who you are. Determined, tenacious, thoughtful, kind. Never give up sister. I and your friends here believe in you. A good talented kind caring woman and mother. This station in your life is temporary. The horizon shows promise. 🤗🤗
As a giver you have to have limits, because the takers don't have any.
When you only expect the bare minimum that's all you'll get from people, while undervaluing yourself in the process. You deserve better and should expect better.
CopperFox420 · 36-40, F
@SooperSarah You are absolutely right.

Sad part is, when I hold out for proper treatment, I spend years alone and it still doesn’t work out.

I don’t really know what’s worse anymore.
Benjago · 41-45, M
Shouldn’t have you feeling like that. At all. Hope you won’t devote anymore time to him if it’s just going to bring you down.
Benjago · 41-45, M
@CopperFox420 On a floating rock that is nothing more than a dust particle in the grand scheme of existence. Have to keep things on a smaller scale to feel like we matter lol
CopperFox420 · 36-40, F
@Benjago if it weren’t for my incredible son and this beautiful speck of dust I’d blow my stupid brains out.
Benjago · 41-45, M
@CopperFox420 Young ones keep that smallest bit of sanity for me as well. Have to hang around for them 😌 I believe it’s one of the few areas I can champion through even when I’m struggling.
Harmonium1923 · 51-55, M
There’s a difference between having a nice cock and being a real prick. Sounds like that guy confuses the two. I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with all that. He was fortunate to be your friend but clearly didn’t appreciate that—or you.
CopperFox420 · 36-40, F
@Harmonium1923 I can take my blame for allowing it, giving too much… but too many are eager to rise to the occasion. I just want some space from all of it. Sex. I want to see if anyone can treat me like a person first.
You need a man who gets turned on by giving pleasure (the same way you do)
and who has a history of long and committed relationships.

If it starts with friendship, rat[big]her than sex, it's far more likely to evolve into genuine love.

My experience as a young woman was that if a man only wanted casual sex
then he was only in it to use the woman. Wham, bam, and over. Honestly, it's not worth it.
If you like big, I'm sure a dildo could do a better job.
I've heard also that there is now a machine that can do the sucking.

You could try [i]Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous[/i].
But beware the trap of getting intimately involved with any of its members.
startingover23 · 51-55, M
He was obviously not a friend to start with to treat you like that. I hope you do find a decent man who respects you
Coldplay · 56-60, M
Users will take what they can. You deserve better and look like you are on the way to that. Good luck!!!
bhatjc · 46-50, M
Sorry to hear that. He was a idiot for treating you like that. There are more guys out there for you gorgeous
GovanDUNNY · 36-40, M
The guy must be crazy💜
CopperFox420 · 36-40, F
@GovanDUNNY or maybe I’m the crazy one
GovanDUNNY · 36-40, M
@CopperFox420 nothing wrong with you lass💜
CopperFox420 · 36-40, F
@GovanDUNNY something is definitely wrong I can feel it. Everything hurts. Stay/Go, it all hurts
Sequoia51 · 70-79, M
StevetheSleeve · 31-35, M
Your fwb thing sounds a lot like a relationship gone bad. I hope you can recover well from that.
StevetheSleeve · 31-35, M
@CopperFox420 I guess I meant a relationship breakup. A lot of the same sorts of feelings.
CopperFox420 · 36-40, F
@StevetheSleeve I see what you mean now. Guess we shouldn’t of tried to be friends.
bhatjc · 46-50, M
@CopperFox420 Leave him in your wake
iamonfire696 · 36-40, F
He treated you so badly and you don’t deserve that.

Men are taught from birth that they are the superior sex and it’s okay to treat a woman like this. To use them like trash and throw them away when they are done and move on to the next. It happens here and everywhere.

You deserve to have someone treat you like you deserve to be treated. I am glad you ended it with him because he was abusive to you.
candycane · 31-35, F
That is sad and I hope one day you find the right guy for you and your son. 🙏
CopperFox420 · 36-40, F
@candycane I don’t believe it. Or maybe I don’t want to because I have a feeling it will never stop hurting because it’s not possible.

 
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