I Need to Rant
Okay I feel like this needs to be said. When your life is going downhill faster than you can keep up you're going to trip and fall. That means you get a little unhinged and don't act like you normally do. You might be snappier, angrier, sadder or you could get really out there. At least I'm not pretending like everything is okay and smiling like a loser. No it's not okay over here. I feel like I'm going out of my mind. I feel like a malfunctioning robot. One day I will be super depressed and want to die. The next I will be my old fun self. Then I'll turn into a cranky person who wants nothing but bad things for everyone around them. Smile,scowl, smile,scowl, frown,smile,scowl my face has zero idea of what it wants to do anymore.
Like today I went on a shopping spree. It made me feel better. Was it a good idea? Not really as I don't have money for other bills now. Earlier in the week I wanted to overdose on drugs. I didn't talk to anyone which is very out of the ordinary for me as I love talking and being around people. A week or two before that I went on a huge ketamine binge when I had a long weekend off because it made me feel good. I'm just so mixed up, messed up and sinking I don't know what to do somedays or if I even want to carry on.
Not to mention I look so disgusting these days. OMG my skin is like freaking wax paper. It's all thin and translucent looking. OMFG I look like a withered corpse it's so not good and my hairline is just getting worse.
Like today I went on a shopping spree. It made me feel better. Was it a good idea? Not really as I don't have money for other bills now. Earlier in the week I wanted to overdose on drugs. I didn't talk to anyone which is very out of the ordinary for me as I love talking and being around people. A week or two before that I went on a huge ketamine binge when I had a long weekend off because it made me feel good. I'm just so mixed up, messed up and sinking I don't know what to do somedays or if I even want to carry on.
Not to mention I look so disgusting these days. OMG my skin is like freaking wax paper. It's all thin and translucent looking. OMFG I look like a withered corpse it's so not good and my hairline is just getting worse.
31-35, M
