I Admire Inner Beauty, Exterior Beauty, Beauty Wherever It Is

People often overlook self-sabotaging behavior. They only care about it when the damage affects them. For example, no one gives a damn about the fat girl in the corner who barely has any friends. They don’t want to date her. Not because she isn’t nice, kind, or funny even. No. The reason they don’t date her is because all they see is problems. They see the number on the scale, the health problems, the unattractiveness of flabby abs and cellulite during make-out sessions or love-making. They see the results of long nights of binge eating. They see the results of self-hatred. They see the results of depression, anxiety, trauma, and a lowered metabolism due to anorexia as a teen. But they don’t care about those reasons. No one cares about the reasons behind why fat people are fat. All they care about is what they can see. Which is someone unhealthy. And are they wrong? Can you blame them? Of course not. They aren’t wrong at all. Sure, everyone should try to get to know a person before they judge them. We hear that all of our lives. Mantras engrained into our brains from the time we learn the alphabet such as “never judge a book by it’s cover.” Or “beauty is skin deep.” Even “It’s inside that matters.” I’m the first to agree with every one of these statements. However, doesn’t knowing someone personally only go so far? It’s why when we see overweight people truly, deeply in love with another person, we are quick to assume that someone must either be a gold digger or completely desperate. If you subtract out minorities of people who enjoy the BBW community, I’d say people who are looking for love most often consider physical attraction as a factor. Not to say that BBW aren’t beautiful. (Beautiful is in the acronym.) But the majority of men I have encountered seem to go for a certain type. Everyone does. Women are attracted to men with abs, nice bone structures and facial features. Men are attracted to decent sized breasts, a large ass, and a generally small to relatively curvy waist. Albeit, nothing too large. Now, I know I’m telling you nothing new. Everyone finds something different attractive. But what I’ve found is that people are only found attractive within a range of a healthy (or perhaps only slightly over or under) BMI. Obviously, there’s nothing wrong with this. It’s nice to want someone who can look physically attractive and keep up with you in bed stamina wise. Now for the pity party. I know that it’s not fair to have standards if you don’t meet them yourself. But it’s so damn hard to believe love is blind when so many people consider physicality as a factor. I’d like to believe men are likely to strike up a conversation with me, but they’re not. Also, I know I am at fault. I could do a lot to improve my physical shape and features. But why would I want to be with a person who sees me first as someone who is beautiful rather than who I am on the inside? If you were to ask me if I believe in love at first sight, the answer would be no. I believe most people that claim that find love at first attraction, and that they aren’t truly “in love” with that person the second they lay eyes on them. Not to say it couldn’t turn in to something more. But I think pheromones and testosterone have much more to do with it than love. Now, maybe this entire way of thinking is just wrong. As I said, I understand having standards and that people can’t help what their body physically responds to in terms of what it finds attractive. Maybe I’m saying all of this as the morbidly obese girl who men stopped talking to after I wasn’t skinny anymore. Or maybe I’m saying this as the anorexic teen who loved the attention. That’s why I think we should find a compromise. Sense AND sensibility. Not that you should forsake talking to people you find attractive, but that people deserve to be given a chance. I could be wrong, as I’ve never been in love, but I think that when a person gets to know someone else’s soul, and grows to love it, becoming attracted to them physically can come gradually. You notice something in the way they smile, the way they crinkle their nose when they laugh, the sparkle in their eye when they are doing what they are passionate about. Now, if you claim you know what you are attracted to and nothing will ever change your mind, so be it. This story is not for you. I say all this to reiterate: please. Get to know someone before you write them off as someone you wouldn’t enjoy being with.