I Enjoy Helping Others
But I just realised it's because I'm not ready to face my own problems. I seek to validate my problem solving skills by helping other people with their problems, as if to fulfil a need to prove to myself that I am worthy to tackle my own.
my problem is how to live in this world. I am led to believe I need a house, clothes. To buy food from shops. For that I need money.
others cause me frustration, when really what I see in them that annoys me is dumpy a reflection of something inside of me, and so whenever I am annoyed I understand that is because of a dissatisfaction with myself. That's hard to deal with because it means I don't fly accept myself as exactly who I am. I find it hard to forgive some of my flaws. yet flaws diversify us, show us different perspectives on life which are vital to our better understanding of what's going on here. Still hard though.
I don't know how to achieve my dreams, of a truly grassroots view for policies democracy, devoid of the archaic and now irrelevant notion of political parties. and another of an all access interactive self help system which, by selecting a few simple options, will give you the information you need and in a format you can access, understand and empathise with at that moment in time.
I don't know what to do in the meantime either. How to scratch a living whilst allowing time for developing these dreams.
I am attracted to people. Lots of people. yet last night I found out some of their issues and that's probably why I feel the attraction. They're issues I've never dealt with and my being wants to be challenged. To learn. I realise they're all flawed just like my OH but still part of me feels that attraction. I remember the feeling of starting to cheat and how awful that felt. and how I will never allow that to happen again. so I played the game. kissed foreheads, licked hands, even got somewhat undressed. But always with my OH in mind. I drew a line. and the others respected it I'm pleased to say. I may get slightly more into it next time, just for giggles. It depends how my OH would feel about that.
so my own problems. Can training in counselling solve some of them? Maybe. Maybe the reflection of happiness and satisfaction from clients as they rise above can help me be more positive generally. Maybe learning implementation techniques, along with self-monitoring-and-evaluation techniques will also help me during the training.
But maybe in the end I'm still just avoiding my own problems. using the world as a distraction.
my problem is how to live in this world. I am led to believe I need a house, clothes. To buy food from shops. For that I need money.
others cause me frustration, when really what I see in them that annoys me is dumpy a reflection of something inside of me, and so whenever I am annoyed I understand that is because of a dissatisfaction with myself. That's hard to deal with because it means I don't fly accept myself as exactly who I am. I find it hard to forgive some of my flaws. yet flaws diversify us, show us different perspectives on life which are vital to our better understanding of what's going on here. Still hard though.
I don't know how to achieve my dreams, of a truly grassroots view for policies democracy, devoid of the archaic and now irrelevant notion of political parties. and another of an all access interactive self help system which, by selecting a few simple options, will give you the information you need and in a format you can access, understand and empathise with at that moment in time.
I don't know what to do in the meantime either. How to scratch a living whilst allowing time for developing these dreams.
I am attracted to people. Lots of people. yet last night I found out some of their issues and that's probably why I feel the attraction. They're issues I've never dealt with and my being wants to be challenged. To learn. I realise they're all flawed just like my OH but still part of me feels that attraction. I remember the feeling of starting to cheat and how awful that felt. and how I will never allow that to happen again. so I played the game. kissed foreheads, licked hands, even got somewhat undressed. But always with my OH in mind. I drew a line. and the others respected it I'm pleased to say. I may get slightly more into it next time, just for giggles. It depends how my OH would feel about that.
so my own problems. Can training in counselling solve some of them? Maybe. Maybe the reflection of happiness and satisfaction from clients as they rise above can help me be more positive generally. Maybe learning implementation techniques, along with self-monitoring-and-evaluation techniques will also help me during the training.
But maybe in the end I'm still just avoiding my own problems. using the world as a distraction.
36-40, M
