OFFICIAL COVID-19 ALERT: Retire Aged Persons Early Program
Due to the current financial situation, caused but the Coronavirus and lack of action from our President, there is a slowdown in the economy. The Government has decided to implement a scheme to put workers age 50 and above on early mandatory retirement. This will create jobs and reduce unemployment. The scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).
Persons selected to be RAPEd can apply to the government to be considered for the SHAFT program (Special Help After Forced Termination).
Persons who have been RAPEd and SHAFTed will be reviewed under the SCREW program (System Covering Retired Early Workers).
A person may be RAPEd once, SHAFTed twice and SCREWed as many times as the Government deems appropriate. Persons who have been RAPEd could get AIDS (Additional Income for Depend & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance). Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTed or SCREWed any further by the Government.
Persons who are not RAPEd and staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High-Intensity Training) as possible. The Government has always prided itself on the amount of SHIT they give our citizens Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring this to the attention of your local authorities as they have been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.
Sincerely.
The Committee for Economic Value of Individual Lives ([b]EVIL[/b])
NOTE: Due to the virus, recent cuts to the budget, and rising costs of utilities as well as the current market conditions, The Light at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off.
Persons selected to be RAPEd can apply to the government to be considered for the SHAFT program (Special Help After Forced Termination).
Persons who have been RAPEd and SHAFTed will be reviewed under the SCREW program (System Covering Retired Early Workers).
A person may be RAPEd once, SHAFTed twice and SCREWed as many times as the Government deems appropriate. Persons who have been RAPEd could get AIDS (Additional Income for Depend & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance). Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTed or SCREWed any further by the Government.
Persons who are not RAPEd and staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High-Intensity Training) as possible. The Government has always prided itself on the amount of SHIT they give our citizens Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring this to the attention of your local authorities as they have been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.
Sincerely.
The Committee for Economic Value of Individual Lives ([b]EVIL[/b])
NOTE: Due to the virus, recent cuts to the budget, and rising costs of utilities as well as the current market conditions, The Light at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off.
