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is it appropriate for me to ask if i could come to a funeral or any memorial service??

my neighbor died last tuesday and i just heard about it this morning. He was a great neighbor actually. the one that never caused any problems and always in out of people's way. he always kept to himself unless somebody approached him with saying "good morning". our chats were always small talk but i knew he was a good person just by him making sure the front door was open when he was outside when i had groceries. he smoked and was the only one who smoked outside of the building and always made sure he never left a trail. I dont know what he was going through but i will miss him. now im wishing i did more than just small talk because if he was going through something, he'd be somebody i wouldnt mind helping and being there for him to make sure he's honestly doing ok each day. My first thought was that maybe he died of old age because he was almost 60. but i was reading his obituary and it said "Memorials in his memory are preferred to "Mission 22"" mission 22 is a nonprofit organization for veterans that commit suicide 😖😭😭💔 even tho im not really family or friends, is it still appropriate for me to ask promission from his family if i can go to see him one last time?
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ThePerfectUsername · 70-79, M Best Comment
I hope you do ask and get to go. I think it'd be right and fitting to let his family know that he reached out and touched someone else's life beside their own.

TexChik · F
You don't need to ask sweetie, Just go on up to the service when they have it. Paying your respects to someone that has passed is universally accepted as a wonderful thing. You will be appreciated.
Peapod · 61-69, F
That is sad. Was there any info about a visitation in the obituary? If there wasn't, it is possible that he had no wishes for a viewing or funeral. This is actually becoming more common with people just quietly getting cremated.

By all means, send a card to his family home, saying you are a neighbor that was sorry to hear of their news. Suicide is extra hard for a family to deal with, so I would think there is nothing you could say that would upset them. I know when neither of my parents had funerals, I was so grateful to get a card or two from people, even if I did not know them at all.

BTW...60 isn't that old in today's world. 😉
TurtlePink · 22-25, F
@Peapod Thank you for the information and the brilliant ideas. I didnt even think to send a card 😅 first thing i was gonna do was send them my condolence through a faccbook message. but a card seems more appropriate and more ethical.

and yeah you are right. 60 isnt that old. i dont know why i said that 😭
Peapod · 61-69, F
@TurtlePink, you sound very kind and I actually had a similar situation a few years ago. My neighbor also committed suicide and I kept tossing it up in the air if I should go to his funeral, also fearing I wouldn't really belong. I decided to go. I am glad I did because his family was so broken and was genuinely grateful to all that attended.

You will be fine if all you do is send a card and it will be cherished.

I can remember thinking 60 was pretty damn old, but now that I am approaching it, I figure I still look at people 20 years older and say, "that's really old!" LOL
HannibalAteMeOut · 22-25, F
Over here we never ask about going to funerals, we just show up. If you feel like it, of course you should go. Funerals are not for the dead but for those who will miss them.
TurtlePink · 22-25, F
@HannibalAteMeOut

thank you,
Its just, on his obit it dosent give the location it just says the city. i just assumed his famliy would be the ones to give me specific location information
HannibalAteMeOut · 22-25, F
@TurtlePink oh then that changes things, so you'll have to ask. But don't even think about it being weird or not. It's going to be fine!
MySecretIdentity1 · 46-50, M
A lot of people have a visitation.
MySecretIdentity1 · 46-50, M
@TurtlePink not usually. Family doesn't always know who the deceased knew.
TurtlePink · 22-25, F
@MySecretIdentity1 I just feel like its gonna be a small gathering and everybody gonna know each other and then when they see me and notice they have never met me and i never met them, its gonna be awkward. Thats why i wanna give his family a heads up. idk
MySecretIdentity1 · 46-50, M
@TurtlePink Trust me. It won't be awkward. I was a nurse and have gone to many visitations and funerals.
Starcrossed · 41-45, F
Don't ask, just go. If it's posted in the obit section, or online definitely dont need to ask.
SW-User
I think it's actually a beautiful thought and they would probably appreciate it.
TurtlePink · 22-25, F
@SW-User I hope so. I dont want them to think im here to crash it. like, i dont even know where would i sit? I just dont want to be a distraction.
Absolutely. They would likely be very touched that you considered him a friend and wanted to say goodbye.
TurtlePink · 22-25, F
Damn, he's been gone now for over a year. Rip Rick 😭😭

 
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