Did I do the right thing?

So, my great aunt passed away this morning. I don’t see my extended family too often, but when we do, we’re all really close. Though I don’t see them very often, my grandparents keep in contact with our relatives and keep everyone in the loop on each other. We knew she was going to pass, as she was in hospice and in her 80s and had stage four cancer and kidney failure. Still, I feel like it hasn’t hit me that she’s gone. To be honest, I’m not really that sad. I feel sad for my grandma who lost her sister and my great aunt’s daughter, husband, and grandchildren because they also unexpectedly lost a relative within the last year. (My great aunt’s son.) I don’t know why, but due to my brother having anxiety lately and me worrying about him and worrying about my other family members grieving over my great aunt’s death, I decided to come home from school for the weekend. I had to call off work and class, and while everyone was super understanding, I feel guilty. I didn’t really know my great aunt super well. I don’t feel like I’m grieving. I’m sad at the idea that she won’t be around anymore, but I guess I feel like her being a great aunt doesn’t constitute me going home. I guess I’m just regretting not going to see her and trying to spend more time with her. Did I do the right thing? I feel so bad for making other people have to cover for me at work.

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DudeistPriest · M

[quote]Still, I feel like it hasn’t hit me that she’s gone. To be honest, I’m not really that sad...I don’t feel like I’m grieving. I’m sad at the idea that she won’t be around anymore...Did I do the right thing? I feel so bad for making other people have to cover for me at work.[/quote]

You have my sincere condolences. I lost my mother over the Thanksgiving holiday to liver and kidney failure. I wasn't sad either, I suppose you can describe it as numb. It was a very difficult decision to place her in hospice but the doctor as well as others in the nursing home did everything but say "put her in hospice now" so I did. I had to make all of the arrangements alone, it was a very lonely and cold feeling. I obeyed her wish to be cremated.

Like you I constantly asked myself if I did the right thing. I got the sense that nobody wanted to deal with the whole ordeal so were perfectly fine with me handling things. Even though the hospice lady said "this was the perfect case, she passed away peacefully and the family was just perfect." That comforted me but I still have this lingering feeling of - did I handle things ok? Did I do things right?

I've since had a couple of bad dreams where I'd hear her voice calling out and wake up but that was about it. So I have mixed feelings about it in that I don't feel too sad while wondering if I did things right. I do feel that over time this will pass. I live by always looking for a bright side even though sometimes you have to hunt for it, but it's there.

This is good that you write about this. It releases some stress about your circumstances and at the same time it helps people. Don't feel too guilty about taking time off. It'll work itself out. But do expect people giving you extra attention about it. And yes, you did the right thing.