I want death of my body. I don't deserve life and wish I could trade my life away for death. Death would be so awesome right now

Your family is the bad guy here, not you. Give yourself a break. Some of us just have to pick our own families, not the one we were born (or adopted) into. Start the process of picking out some new "relatives" for yourself to replace the bad influences. My friends are my family and have been for most of my life. That's the way it is for some of us.