Sometimes I wish I end
my life .
I live in parent's home because I felt that they are old , and I should support them .
But I had lived for many years away from them , because I could not handle them .
The mother is worse , she had forced me to do engineering when I wished to study science .
Had always forced me to do what she liked , and not what I felt is right .
At that time she had spend $1500 on a superstitious prayer , to make my life happy .
But life is not happy by pleasing god , doing superstitious things , wasting money ,
or throwing gold coins in river - yes that was done as well .
Life is not made better by praying to god , but by doing right work , right deeds .
I live now with them , because I felt they are 60 year old , I must support them , but the superstition is continuing again .
Instead of helping poor people , which really makes life better , she had forced me to wear Emrald , Sapphire , which are costly .
I don't feel it will be nice to abandon old parents , but being forced into superstitious things make me feel nauseatic .
But the more pressure is , not do this , not do that , only do this , or I will be abused or cursed by them .
She forces me to do MBA , but i m doing job , I would rather do PhD .
It is very tough life , in childhood I could not bear it , I had even eaten mercury , but it didn't kill me .
And father is more disgusting as well .
I don't find a reason to live , even the girl I loved , had left me .
If I was living to support parents in their 80s or 90s , then this life is surely a dismay for me because no matter how much I try to be nice to them , they will enforce their demands and choices .
I still wish to know why am I living ? Death is more friendly to me than life , even a disabled person can have self respect , I feel I m disabled of heart as well .
I live in parent's home because I felt that they are old , and I should support them .
But I had lived for many years away from them , because I could not handle them .
The mother is worse , she had forced me to do engineering when I wished to study science .
Had always forced me to do what she liked , and not what I felt is right .
At that time she had spend $1500 on a superstitious prayer , to make my life happy .
But life is not happy by pleasing god , doing superstitious things , wasting money ,
or throwing gold coins in river - yes that was done as well .
Life is not made better by praying to god , but by doing right work , right deeds .
I live now with them , because I felt they are 60 year old , I must support them , but the superstition is continuing again .
Instead of helping poor people , which really makes life better , she had forced me to wear Emrald , Sapphire , which are costly .
I don't feel it will be nice to abandon old parents , but being forced into superstitious things make me feel nauseatic .
But the more pressure is , not do this , not do that , only do this , or I will be abused or cursed by them .
She forces me to do MBA , but i m doing job , I would rather do PhD .
It is very tough life , in childhood I could not bear it , I had even eaten mercury , but it didn't kill me .
And father is more disgusting as well .
I don't find a reason to live , even the girl I loved , had left me .
If I was living to support parents in their 80s or 90s , then this life is surely a dismay for me because no matter how much I try to be nice to them , they will enforce their demands and choices .
I still wish to know why am I living ? Death is more friendly to me than life , even a disabled person can have self respect , I feel I m disabled of heart as well .
