I'm Getting Better...

I had that British thing through most of my life where someone compliments you on something and you reply back 'Oh, it's just crap' in a throw-away kind of way.

My wife used to call me a 'Negative Nancy' and, slowly and surely, I'm learning to just accept nice compliments.

It's generally a 'Thank you' and no more, feeling a little embarrassed, but at least it's a start.

SJD xx

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NewRaven · 51-55, F

I used to do this as well. I learned in some seminar that what that does is tell the complimenter that their opinions are invalid and irrelevant, that their thoughts don’t matter. It took awhile to undo that behavior, but your start was my start as well. Then I started listening to a podcast where I learned I’m my own worst critic and maybe what I see and think is skewed.

SammyJo · 51-55, F

@NewRaven Yes, so this is the thing. I have 2 jobs/careers...one that I always document about (see my various stories), but the other is of being a drugs counsellor. That's one of the things that I try to instil in my clients, that you have listened to their - in essence - feedback and can accept that as a valid comment.

It's essential for recovery...

But, in the real world, my thoughts aren't like that...until I realised that I was in recovery of this very thing; not taking compliments...so I started taking my own medicine! Lol!

Does that make sense?

Glad it's worked out for you..

😀

SJD xx

NewRaven · 51-55, F

@SammyJo makes complete sense

ninalanyon · 61-69, T

@NewRaven Can you tell us more about the seminar and the podcast? I think it might help people like @BittersweetPotato who has just this problem. See https://similarworlds.com/society/compliment/4854480-Do-you-have-such-a-hard-time-accepting-compliments-or-praise

LisaD2023 · 41-45, F

I understand this very well

SammyJo · 51-55, F

@LisaD2023 It can be a little tough, but what people see and what I know (about me) don't always tally up...

Uncfred · 61-69, M

@SammyJo What you do is not always what you are, and what you are is what is important.

SammyJo · 51-55, F

@Uncfred Well, yes....true.

Uncfred · 61-69, M

Promote who you are, foreground not background.
My late wife always stayed in the background and every time I think of it, it saddens me very much to think that she accepted the crap she put up with. A compliment to her was, as you say a throw away line, never feeling she was worth it.

SammyJo · 51-55, F

@Uncfred Oh, I'm a good chatter, Fred. I've very up front in various circumstances, let me tell you, but accepting compliments? That's always been different.

I am loud, bubbly and very vocal.....and only get louder, generally! Lol!

🥰