I saw him tonight… and it messed with me

Growing up, my mom believed in spanking. And honestly, I know a lot of parents did back then and still do, so that’s not really the point of this post.

My parents divorced when I was 2, and my dad remarried. I didn’t see him or his wife very often, but when I did, we went to church. I wasn’t raised in church by my mom or grandparents, but we do believe in God.

What I can’t wrap my head around is this…

My dad allowed the pastor of his church to spank me. Not once, but twice.

The first time, I was 9. I remember my mom absolutely flipping out when she found out. She didn’t even let me go back to my dad’s for a while because of it… even though, yes, she allowed other adults to discipline me too.

Then two years later, I went back to that same church… and it happened again. I was 11. It caused such a big blow-up that my mom and stepmom almost got into a physical fight over it.

Fast forward to tonight… I’m at Walmart, just minding my business, and I see him. That pastor. For the first time since I was a kid. He’s probably in his late 60s now.

And it just… hit me.

All the memories. All the feelings. Stuff I hadn’t thought about in years.

I just can’t imagine, as a parent now, ever allowing someone—especially someone who is basically a stranger—to put their hands on my child like that.

Like… what was my dad thinking?

And my mom’s a better woman than me, because I probably absolutely would’ve been locked up… because I would’ve been throwing hands and smiling in my mugshot.

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mrnature94 · 46-50, M

This story reminds me of the adage, "when you know better, you do better".

The only time I remember an adult other than my parents disciplining me was one time before I was 4 years old. (My brother hadn't been born yet.) We were at one of my aunt and uncle's new house and all of the women of the family - and me - were there painting and doing general things to get the house ready to move into. I was looking for my Mom and I opened a door whose knob had just been painted, so I got paint all over my hand. My Granny gave me a tongue lashing as she took turpentine to my hand to clean it off.

There is only one time I actually deserved to be spanked by an adult other than my parents. When I was in Kindergarten, I was in a wedding while having chicken pox and I was over all of the pictures being taken. There are several pictures with my arms crossed and being a total brat. Of course, my aunt told my Mom and I remember my Mom saying she told my aunt she should have smacked me and told me to act proper. Now we laugh at those pictures, but I was in deep trouble then.

There is so much wrong with your story. Why would they let someone who was a stranger lay a hand on you? And why did he think he should do that to you when you were 9 and 11? If a child were in harm's way - thinking putting their finger into a socket or touching a hot stove - I might move their hand that looks like a smack, but I wouldn't repeatedly strike them. And I certainly wouldn't spank them on their backside. Depending on the age of the child, I would explain that I care about them and I didn't want them to get hurt. The very next thing I would do is find their parent and explain everything. I would probably apologize if they thought I was overreaching in that moment, but I just didn't want to see the child get hurt. I might even ask anyone who may have witnessed it what they saw and even write down what I did and why - just to CYA.

*HUGS*

CharityRae · 36-40, F

@mrnature94 That saying really does hit different when you look back on things as an adult. It’s wild how stuff that felt “normal” back then just… doesn’t sit right anymore.

Your stories actually made me smile a little especially the wedding one 😂 kids really do reach that “I’m over it” point fast, no matter the situation. And I get what you’re saying about discipline vs. protection. There’s a huge difference between stopping a kid from getting hurt and actually deciding to punish someone else’s child.

That’s honestly the part that still gets me. Like you said, helping a kid in the moment if they’re about to get hurt is one thing but repeatedly hitting a child, especially not your own, is something completely different. At that age, I didn’t even question it… now I’m like, why did the adults around me think that was okay?

I do appreciate you sharing your perspective though. It’s kind of comforting (in a weird way) hearing how other people were raised and how differently they see things now too.

Hugs back 🫶🏼