is is it possible to forgive people who let you down big time long ago
for eg, a long time ago i lived in quite rough neighbours in predominantly black and asian areas, ( i'm white)...at the time i was having difficult problems with a mental disorder i was living with, i wasn't getting any professional help, partly because it was seen i was just 'bad' at the time and just being antisocial towards people....what i was doing was going out in public and starting on people, being aggressive and threatening to people...and just, ' making a scene' everywhere i went....and i attracted the wrong attention...mainly from street gangs in the area, who harassed me, threatened me and attacked me a few times over quite a long period of time, about the full two years i lived in those areas.
i was lucky that something serious didn't happen to me, as these dangerous gangs, were targeting me at the times because my antisocial behaviour, they'd intimidate me every time i went out somewhere...id get stared at when i was being driven anywhere, members of these black / asian gangs would give me stares when i was at the traffic lights, right at me in the car i was in.....like they were out to get me....much of it was psychological too....and as i said i was physically attacked a number of times in the streets during daylight hours.
while all this was going on, i built up a lot of anger and resentment, trauma, as people at the time who supposedly loved and cared for me were nowhere around to be seen, no sight of them whatsoever...they were not there for me......that was not around and absent....i had to go through that hard traumatic time all by myself?
and to this day i carry a lot of resentment and anger over what happened to me, even though i invited the comeback with my own extremely aggressive behaviour toward the public, anger toward those who were supposed to be there and support and care for me, but at that time, 'abandoned ' me.
to this day because of those experiences, i'm wary of black and asian people and don't trust anyone from those backgrounds, but feel very angry towards members of my own race, whites for completely vanishing when i needed their help...i see them as cowards ' slime ' and useless.
is there anyway to forgive that do you think?
i was lucky that something serious didn't happen to me, as these dangerous gangs, were targeting me at the times because my antisocial behaviour, they'd intimidate me every time i went out somewhere...id get stared at when i was being driven anywhere, members of these black / asian gangs would give me stares when i was at the traffic lights, right at me in the car i was in.....like they were out to get me....much of it was psychological too....and as i said i was physically attacked a number of times in the streets during daylight hours.
while all this was going on, i built up a lot of anger and resentment, trauma, as people at the time who supposedly loved and cared for me were nowhere around to be seen, no sight of them whatsoever...they were not there for me......that was not around and absent....i had to go through that hard traumatic time all by myself?
and to this day i carry a lot of resentment and anger over what happened to me, even though i invited the comeback with my own extremely aggressive behaviour toward the public, anger toward those who were supposed to be there and support and care for me, but at that time, 'abandoned ' me.
to this day because of those experiences, i'm wary of black and asian people and don't trust anyone from those backgrounds, but feel very angry towards members of my own race, whites for completely vanishing when i needed their help...i see them as cowards ' slime ' and useless.
is there anyway to forgive that do you think?
46-50, M