Who wants to live until 90 anyway

So I get nagged about my drug use.
Then they tell me it shortens your life.
So what. I don't want to see 60 let alone 90.

When my boyfriend died and it was lockdown I declined and his best friend would leave nasty messages.

He died last year. But when he knew he was dying . I knew because I was trying to get myself together. I got the full SP from the doctor.

When the transport arrived to take him to the other hospital (he was too poorer to go home) Then he said can I give you a kiss?
I said ofcourse
He hugged me tight and said I 'm sorry I was abusive to you.
I replied I love you.
He said and I love you.

But getting back to the drugs I cannot function without the supply of pills.
If I got clean all the bad memories of my childhood would surface plus the bullying at the 1st 3 jobs.

I don't want to remember.