I am a virgin at 34 years old.
There are many reasons for the fact I'm a virgin at 34 years old.
First and foremost, I was raised in a very strict Christian household during my teenaged years and I've always held a view that sex is supposed to be sacred and used for spiritual purposes, if one can help it.
Disclaimer: I don't judge those of you who are more practical and have sex for pleasure. I do understand this as I get major sexual urges because I have hypersexuality due to BPD and I used to have a really major porn addiction.
Perhaps my addiction came from being a virgin so late...who knows?
So here's why I'm a virgin:
1. ) I believe sex should be between Soulmates or Twinflames because these are people you will naturally have a deeper connection to, whether you end up in a monogamous relationship or not. Soulmates and Twinflames are people you feel a cosmic tie to, no matter the day, how many years have gone by. It's just something about that person or those people you will always feel a sacred, mysterious tie to.
So, I find these kinds of connections more appealing and less off putting than just having sex with someone because they are "hot" or simply because one is horny.
2.) I am Demisexual and absolutely can not have any special sexual feelings towards someone unless there's some kind of deeper feeling or a deeper tension between us. It doesn't matter what kind of sexual interaction it is, whether online or offline. I can not feel that unless we have a dynamic between us.
3.) I'm confused about how I feel about men. I was never sexually assaulted by a man. In fact I was molested by a woman, so there's no trauma or anything that makes me feel confused about how I feel towards men. I don't know why, but it's always been harder for me to view men as romantic partners unless there was limerence or something beyond my control. (Like something spiritual.)
I mostly have always secretly wanted to be with another woman long-term...but it just never worked out for me. So, I've had situations with men, (mostly online) but I've never been interested in losing my virginity to a man in real life.
4.) I want to be very responsible. I am mentally unwell and can't work at the moment due to severe fear of dogs and I also have emotionally unstable personality disorder, commonly known as BPD. Not only do I not want to bring a child into this terrible world and risk having them inherit my generational mental illness. I also would want to provide for them with the best upbringing they can have.
I cannot do that being broke, without a job, now can I? I understand, too...that contraceptives are a thing but even those fails at times and I just don't want to risk it.
There are plenty of children out there without loving parents, anyways. So if by some miracle I were to become stable enough to make a decent living, I would be more interested in adopting a child rather than having one on my own. There are enough children already here who need loving parents.
5.) I am a romantic psychopath. I don't simply have crushes, I become obsessive, extremely jealous, possessive and controlling. So if I lost my virginity to you and I caught you doing something with someone else, imagine how that would turn out? I would end up in jail for the rest of my life due to crime of passion and I am terrified of spending the rest of my life in prison. It's one of my worse fears.
With all of that said, I will probably be a virgin for the rest of my life. As I've said before, I battle hypersexuality because of BPD/EUPD and let's be honest, here...I'm a virgin! Of course I'm starved for pleasure in this way. However, I've just been in this state for so long and I don't see any good reason to come out of it, right now. I do not.
I don't judge anyone who loves to have sex. Do what you want to do as long as it's not hurting others. I don't really mind and am pretty open minded. It's just not for me.
First and foremost, I was raised in a very strict Christian household during my teenaged years and I've always held a view that sex is supposed to be sacred and used for spiritual purposes, if one can help it.
Disclaimer: I don't judge those of you who are more practical and have sex for pleasure. I do understand this as I get major sexual urges because I have hypersexuality due to BPD and I used to have a really major porn addiction.
Perhaps my addiction came from being a virgin so late...who knows?
So here's why I'm a virgin:
1. ) I believe sex should be between Soulmates or Twinflames because these are people you will naturally have a deeper connection to, whether you end up in a monogamous relationship or not. Soulmates and Twinflames are people you feel a cosmic tie to, no matter the day, how many years have gone by. It's just something about that person or those people you will always feel a sacred, mysterious tie to.
So, I find these kinds of connections more appealing and less off putting than just having sex with someone because they are "hot" or simply because one is horny.
2.) I am Demisexual and absolutely can not have any special sexual feelings towards someone unless there's some kind of deeper feeling or a deeper tension between us. It doesn't matter what kind of sexual interaction it is, whether online or offline. I can not feel that unless we have a dynamic between us.
3.) I'm confused about how I feel about men. I was never sexually assaulted by a man. In fact I was molested by a woman, so there's no trauma or anything that makes me feel confused about how I feel towards men. I don't know why, but it's always been harder for me to view men as romantic partners unless there was limerence or something beyond my control. (Like something spiritual.)
I mostly have always secretly wanted to be with another woman long-term...but it just never worked out for me. So, I've had situations with men, (mostly online) but I've never been interested in losing my virginity to a man in real life.
4.) I want to be very responsible. I am mentally unwell and can't work at the moment due to severe fear of dogs and I also have emotionally unstable personality disorder, commonly known as BPD. Not only do I not want to bring a child into this terrible world and risk having them inherit my generational mental illness. I also would want to provide for them with the best upbringing they can have.
I cannot do that being broke, without a job, now can I? I understand, too...that contraceptives are a thing but even those fails at times and I just don't want to risk it.
There are plenty of children out there without loving parents, anyways. So if by some miracle I were to become stable enough to make a decent living, I would be more interested in adopting a child rather than having one on my own. There are enough children already here who need loving parents.
5.) I am a romantic psychopath. I don't simply have crushes, I become obsessive, extremely jealous, possessive and controlling. So if I lost my virginity to you and I caught you doing something with someone else, imagine how that would turn out? I would end up in jail for the rest of my life due to crime of passion and I am terrified of spending the rest of my life in prison. It's one of my worse fears.
With all of that said, I will probably be a virgin for the rest of my life. As I've said before, I battle hypersexuality because of BPD/EUPD and let's be honest, here...I'm a virgin! Of course I'm starved for pleasure in this way. However, I've just been in this state for so long and I don't see any good reason to come out of it, right now. I do not.
I don't judge anyone who loves to have sex. Do what you want to do as long as it's not hurting others. I don't really mind and am pretty open minded. It's just not for me.
