I am single these days and will probably be single for the rest of my life

I don’t think I have it in me to go the pain of another breakup and depending on who I am with ( male, female, intersex, transgender etc. I would need surgery to make me completely infertile I have reduced fertility now since my surgery but still possible for me to get pregnant. I feel that having a lover and spouse might not be worth it after all. I made a huge mistake in letting go the love of my life but it’s too late to rectify things now. Although I wonder if I never broke up with him, how would he feel about having to wait years longer for me to make a relationship real life? We would be in limbo and our relationship would have had to plateau unless I quickly finished career training and university in order to have a career that could sustain me living on my own. I asked my parents if they would help me bring him to America and if he could stay at our house for a little while, but they told me they didn’t know him well enough and they weren’t bringing a stranger in their house. This was before my grandfather ever died or my grandmother ever came to live downstairs and before she died. I asked for help years ago but my parents didn’t want to have someone they didn’t really know stay as a visitor or live here temporarily. I miss being loved by someone special sometimes but I don’t think I can do extremely long distance online relationship ever again. Maybe it would be different if on a long distance basis the other person could come back regularly but I don’t think I can do long distance online where I don’t see the other person in real life for years on end. If only I finished my vocational courses to help me learn skills to secure a career and university to take higher advanced education for a good paying fulfilling career, maybe I could have brought my ex boyfriend to be with me or I could have gone to him in India. But I can’t change he married I mean I assume if he was engaged he would have been married a while back so married someone else. Basically I ended things because I thought I was not healthy for him. That was the main reason. He wanted to remain friends until he met his future wife and got engaged to her and then he left it was no longer right to be friends and yes we had lingering feelings for each other because I still felt in love with him and before he got engaged just three months-three and half months before he said how much he loved me and missed me but had to let me go as an idea of a romantic partner for both of our sakes. That’s when he returned to WhatsApp to talk to me as a friend on there for a few weeks besides just doing email and similarworlds.com. We were only communicating these two ways to keep our distance but still remain friends and in each others lives. Long story short I have been a single mentally ill person for almost three years now. Or more like two years and eight months.