Can you forgive me for these fines and let things return back to normal again

I mean I need to get off the invega shot once a month and they say I can get off of it if I can and I believe that I maybe don't have my gun rights and I need it back, I am not hurt and my fines are I punched 3 cops, 1 like 3 times not very hard and 1 1 time not very hard and 1 2 times not very hard and they all kept working and none of them said that they got concussions and I got a 6in long metal stud with a sharp end and threw it at a cops head and 2 were in there and they didn't know what was happening and didn't have their gun drawn and it plum missed all cops and why because I was scared to have to play a game where if I lose the hostile doesn't die I die and if I win I don't die I didn't want to play it and never will and thought about people getting into gun duels in video games and they are based on reality and I knew about fights I just didn't pull myself together, I finally pulled myself together and no one has there gun drawn on me, to pay them off I had a bunk bed in jail and it was an all concrete cell room and metal and the 2nd bunk bed was like 5ft 1/2 in high with a L shaped piece to keep the mattress in and there was no mattress and I climbed up on it with a cup full of shit water to throw it at a target and not be hurt with it and I was in a almost squating position because the concrete ceiling was so close and I jumped with it and made it without getting hurt and I got a little shit water on my hand jumping but I cleaned it off and that was when I was 23 yrs old. I am 27 yrs old.