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Just to keep you posted ...

I can't believe this is the sixth story I'm writing about this guy!!! But an update was promised and my friends @KiwiBird and @ShadowSister asked that I follow through with said promise!

Before I do, I realize that some of you might not have been keeping up:

1) Are you one of them girls?
https://similarworlds.com/single/4341112-Are-you-one-of-them-girls-Ive-officially-sublet-my

2) We should stop meeting like this...
https://similarworlds.com/single/4366078-We-Should-Stop-Meeting-Back-at-my-favorite-crab

3) Okay, I gave him a chance...
https://similarworlds.com/single/4369773-Okay-I-gave-him-a-chance-This-is-on-you

4) You've got to be kidding, right?
https://similarworlds.com/single/4379733-Youve-GOT-to-be-kidding-right

5) Finally ... A real conversation!
https://similarworlds.com/single/4393677-Finally-A-Real-Conversation-He-walked-up-to-me-a

It's coming up on three months now since I met this guy and just shy of a month since I last posted about him. My SWeep friend @KiwiBird has officially named him Crab Shack Guy so we'll go with that.

Well Crab Shack Guy and I are both living within a block or two of this cute little waterfront restaurant & tourist shop area on the western Maryland shore. Short of hopping in a car and going for a drive, this is really the only place to be for quite a ways. There's a few restaurants, a crab shack, some gift shops, an art gallery ... you get the idea. This means that we see each other hanging out. I'm here after work in the evenings and a lot on weekends. He seems to be here nearly all the time.

Well our first several passing's were quite tumultuous and are all documented above. But over the last month things have calmed down. He's (mostly) stopped hitting on me and we've become almost friends. We've even started checking out the girls together as I recommend which ones would be a good match and worth his efforts. He's still not clear on whether I'm a lesbian, straight, or bi. I've made no effort to ease his confusion in this area because, quite frankly, its none of his business. In fact, I might even have sprinkled little tidbits into our conversations to maintain the ambiguity.

Well, @KiwiBird and @ShadowSister asked for an update so I need to stop beating around the bush, so to speak, and get to it. I relayed this story to my mom last weekend and she called me cruel. My mom. My best friend. My biggest supporter in the world. Called me cruel. 🤦‍♀️

What happened was that after a couple weeks of him calming down, being real, and laying off the lame attempts to get me to go out with him, it picked up again. That gives me cause, right? I mean our agreement was that nothing was going to happen between us. He KNOWS I'm not looking for any romantic entanglements this summer.

"I give up!" I declared.

"Huh? Give up on what?"

"On this whole no dating summer thing," I replied.

"Really?" with interest in his inflection! The bait is taken, now it is time to set the hook and reel him in!

"Well, yeah. I mean it's summer. It's so beautiful and you've actually been not-a-jerk for a few weeks now. So yeah," I explained. A sharp pull up on the rod and the hook is set.

"So does this mean you'll go out with me?"

"I guess it means we can give it a go and see how long it lasts." (Start your watches because this is going to be quick.)

This started a whole conversation about the things he wanted to do with his new girlfriend, the places he wanted to take me, the fun we'd have, etc. I went along with it as I slowly reeled him in closer and closer to my net.

After about 15-20 minutes of talking about our new relationship....

"Oh gawd..." I said.

"What's wrong?" he queried.

"This just isn't working for me."

"What's not working?" concern growing in his voice.

"The whole relationship thing. And it's not you. It's me." Lol, yes, I actually said that.

"What are you talking about?"

"It's just not working for me and I don't want to just string you along. We're breaking up."

Slowly he realized that I had been putting on a ruse the entire time. "That wasn't nice."

"I know."

"Then why did you do it?"

"Because we agreed weeks ago that you'd stop hitting on me."

And I returned to scanning the crowd and telling him which girls he should go ask to dance. :)

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Yulianna · 22-25, F

🇺🇦❤🇺🇸 cruel? you put Cruella to shame!

did Romeo ask for it? no! he's a guy, he's biologically programmed to be a jerk, and he seems to have reined in his natural jerkness for quite a while

did he deserve it? of course. you put a lot of time and effort into potty training him, and he forgot his training, embarrassed himself. in public.

but you can take some consolation from the fact that, by the end of the summer, you will have made him into the perfect lesbian's boyfriend.

and, as you are the perfect lesbian, he will finally be your Crab Shack Romeo...

of course "perfect lesbian" is not a label, but a description of one of your many manifestations. 🤗

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Valerian · 100+, M

@Yulianna I have one you could practice on it.

KiwiBird · 36-40, F

@Yulianna I am somewhat relieved you cannot play the organ. 😇

Valerian · 100+, M

@KiwiBird 🤔 😒 Only somewhat relieved?
Well missy, go back and finish relieving yourself.

ShadowSister · 46-50, F

Hahahahaha. I literally laughed out loud for at least 15 seconds. Mean and cruel? Perhaps. Did he deserve it? Absolutely.

He's still not clear on whether I'm a lesbian, straight, or bi.

That's because everyone is still not clear about that.

How about lesbi-ish? No, you're going to hate that one because it's a label.

How about anti-labelist? A label for someone who hates labels. Ah, I'm pushing your buttons. I should stop now before you offer to become my girlfriend so you can break up with me twenty minutes later.

I might even have sprinkled little tidbits into our conversations to maintain the ambiguity.

This is such a Sara thing. I find it very amusing.

I don't think what you did was wrong. I'm annoyed that he weaseled his way in to keep talking to you. I feel like he earned that. Still, I get what your mom was saying, that it was kinda mean. How do you feel about it? Do you think you crossed a line? Are you feeling guilty about it? Do you wish you would have handled things differently? Anything any of us thinks is really secondary to how you feel about it. That's the only part that really matters.

Of course the fact that you gave us a good laugh is nice too. 😆

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sarabee1995 · 26-30, F

@Scribbles Well 🤷‍♀️

🤣🤣🤣

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sarabee1995 · 26-30, F

@ShadowSister And I thank you for passing it along. Please give him a huge hug from me.

No posts deleted. I think they are all linked above.

Okay, I lot to process here... This comment makes me think of writing a new post on singledom in general and the obligations of polite people in civilized society. But I digress...

1) I didn't definitively shut him down everytime we interacted.
This is true. I see two reasons here. First, as you said, I'm under no obligation to respond to anyone (other than my commanding officers). Someone hits on me... so? What of it? Especially if it happens at a time and a place where this is not expected or is out of place.

The second reason I didn't shut him down 100% at every encounter is that I actually am open to friendships and I try to be a nice person. Once I've let him know that I'm not interested in any kind of romantic adventure (which was well before the first post here), then I can legitimately assume all future approaches from him are seeking a platonic relationship. Right?

"... shocked by the one about imagining kicking the tar out of Crab Shack Guy... "
Sorry. I'm a fighter. Have been my whole life. And I'm in the military. If you don't think I'm "wargaming" scenarios everywhere I go, then you don't know fighters... or sheepdogs.

[I]"But that's not how the world works,"[/i]
He is 100% right. The world does work exactly how he said. Does that make right? Does that mean we must comply?

I try very hard to be a nice person. I fail often and miserably. But I try. I try to respect everyone and I demand respect in return (you and I have discussed this aspect of Chief Tecumseh's poem before). The world does not require these two efforts nor does it reward then. But they are the right way to be.

So... In my dealings with him, when he hits on me, he gets a "No" ... outside of that he gets treated kindly with respect as another human being just trying to get through a day. If he interprets that kindness and respect as me softening on my "No" then that is his problem, not mine.

I do feel bad for guys in this world. What you (and A and K) say is true. But let them know that it is not just on guys to make that frightful first move. Girls do it too. And it's just as scary.

I'm going to think more on this and may post something on the topic. 🙂

Hugs to the kiddles.

Scribbles · 36-40, F

I'm suddenly reminded of an old kid's movie called "The Labyrinth". David Bowie was in it. Have you seen it? There was some kind of line about being capable of being generous and being cruel which is why I am reminded of it, I think.

It understand your reasoning because he just wouldn't stop. I can understand getting frustrated with that. The way you dealt with it is different from what I would have chosen, I think. But the effect would have been the same. So does it matter? Idk.

Do you think he learned from it, or were you just trying to get him to hate you a little bit so he'd stop and listen? Cause I've done that. Sometimes you got to be harsh and brutal when gentleness doesn't work.

I've played a few harsh jokes and consequences on others myself. Some people outright deserved it, some didn't, I am ashamed to say.

At one point I swore not to do them ever again and be very careful not to enjoy dishing out consequences too much. But that's me.

But when it comes down to it I still only regret the ones in which I feel the person didn't deserve it.

Sounds to me like a naive kid who doesn't have much self restraint crossed a line and you followed through with your version of a put down. Did you play with him a bit...yeah. but I'd be a hypocrite if I judged you for it. End of story.

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sarabee1995 · 26-30, F

@Scribbles More patient??? Hmmm 🤔

Maybe in some ways, but at the same time also more harsh than I can ever imagine you being.

I try to be nice to everyone (as I know you do). I'm even friends with almost every one of my ex's. I don't burn bridges and I do believe in second and third chances. People DO change. I believe that. But when someone steps outside the box, do I hesitate to strike? Nope. Not at all. 🤷‍♀️

Scribbles · 36-40, F

That's pretty good and solid philosophy in my opinion. I'm not so good at the extra chances thing.

sarabee1995 · 26-30, F

@Scribbles It's why I don't ever block people on here. In my deepest heart, I do believe most people are good. I know that anonymous venues like this allow and promote the worst behaviors, but even the worst among SWeeps (I believe) have good in them, so I don't block.

And in real life, the same. I don't "write off" people. If I stay engaged, then there is a chance I might have a positive influence. 🤷‍♀️

Yungj87 · 36-40, M

That’s a brutal take down…. I feel for the guy

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Valerian · 100+, M

@sarabee1995 Well, not lusty, "I want to fuck her right now" , but the more appreciatve "I have a hot friend that some lucky person .... ” and it tapers off back to being platonic.
I'm not saying that mental undressing or fantasies or that d#%k hardening lust is involved at all, (unless there's always some behind the scenes desire hidden there lurking in hope), especially as the guys mature, it's more sedate and harmless ... Not disturbing as you seem alarmed About.

Guys are wired to think "sex partner" and the rewiring to "platonic girl buddy" doesn't remove the fact that you're a female. The wired part might do a "pop-up thought" before your guy buddy's platonic subroutine kicks in.
Have you never heard a guy say that his Aunt, Sister's Friend, Cousin, Teacher or other tabboo-ish females is Nice Looking? The appraisal of possible is there.

You see a guy or a gal and you appraise them.... your quick millisecond thought, maybe subliminal, is, "Nope." but you're doing it too.

sarabee1995 · 26-30, F

@Valerian wow 😐

Valerian · 100+, M

@sarabee1995 especially
I guess apply that “🤔Hmmm" 💭 thought that you might have, when seeing a new person, to your platonic friend thoughts.

You're essentially Platonic or less with new person, but you might see an attraction. Not a lusty thought, but something of an appraisal.

I'm done...

You can erase it all now.

Or tell me thoughts

KiwiBird · 36-40, F

Finally she replies.....and so detailed. A great read that demands a considered response. Like after my working day....

I do note that one of my prophecies has eventuated even if just fleetingly.

😁🤣❤🤣😁

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KiwiBird · 36-40, F

@Yulianna Well the prediction was that Sara and Crab Shack Guy would end up having a summer fling......and they did for fifteen minutes. The prediction was before the event.

sarabee1995 · 26-30, F

@Yulianna Hmm... She has a point. 🤔

@KiwiBird I decree that henceforth ye shall be known as the Oracle of SWorld! 🤣

KiwiBird · 36-40, F

@sarabee1995 The Oracle of SWorld now declares Crab Shack Guy is no longer of interest. Alexa just confirmed it and I do trust digital assistants. 🤣

KiwiBird · 36-40, F

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KiwiBird · 36-40, F

@sarabee1995 Pre-covid whole crayfish here was around $140 a Kg. You can now get frozen product around $70/Kg. Covid killed the export/restaurant market.

sarabee1995 · 26-30, F

@KiwiBird Prices here are crazy too. 🙄

Yulianna · 22-25, F

@sarabee1995 @KiwiBird everywhere... and you coastal people are accustomed to easy access. who would bring lobster to Kyiv, these days? it's difficult enough to get decent caviar.

SW-User

I agree with your Mum... but I do see how you were provoked. And it was less cruel than deploying your martial arts on him!!

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sarabee1995 · 26-30, F

@SW-User Everything I do in life ... every single little thing I do ... is very deliberate. That's who I am. I understand there is this concept out there of "couldn't help it" but it does not exist in my world ... and it is not tolerated as an excuse either.

Is that harsh? Idk, maybe.

Do I care if that is harsh? Umm, no, not really. It is the world I require in order to get done the things I get done. 🤷‍♀️

SW-User

@sarabee1995 I don't feel like I know you well enough to either question or affirm what you are saying here. It is an interesting outlook and certainly seems suited to a military career.

sarabee1995 · 26-30, F

@SW-User I think it was purely coincidental that I found synergy between this aspect of "me" and my chosen career. But this side of me has been around for a very long time; long before I joined the Navy.

I took to my uniform in taekwondo at age seven like a fish to water. And the structure and discipline of that early black belt path seemed as natural as breathing. Some of us are very structured and thrive in such environments. I am one of these people.

When I make agreements, I keep my end and expect the person on the other side to keep theirs. That's very much a part of who I am. 🤷‍♀️

SW-User

So from this guy's perspective, CSG has to be the dumbest or densest man on Earth. I believe that girls that are interested do not spend their time pointing out other girls. Usually. As a man with many years to look back upon, I could only hope or wish an uninterested girl was interested in being a good enough friend to help me find a compatible match. Nope. I don't feel sorry for CSG.

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KarateAaron · 46-50, M

@sarabee1995 He’s intelligent, but he’s thinking with, and maybe needs a good kick to, his lower brain center! lol

sarabee1995 · 26-30, F

@KarateAaron But that would be assault and battery, not to mention conduct unbecoming an officer. 😐

KarateAaron · 46-50, M

@sarabee1995 Meh…

Valerian · 100+, M

Your definitely are on my , "Fun to hang out with..." List.

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sarabee1995 · 26-30, F

@Valerian Lol... If you say so!

Yulianna · 22-25, F

@sarabee1995 😂

Valerian · 100+, M

@Yulianna 🤔
More of a Dedicated degenerate, deviant, divergent, debauched, depraved, incorrigible reprobate.

KarateAaron · 46-50, M

This was both cruel and awesome! (still not as awesome as the visual you had of beating him up a while back, but still pretty awesome! lol)

sarabee1995 · 26-30, F

@KarateAaron Lol, well, if in order to be "awesome" I have to also be a bit "cruel" ... I guess I'm okay with that! 🤣

KarateAaron · 46-50, M

@sarabee1995 After that one visual you had, I think he's lucky his nuts are still in tact! 🤣🤣🤣

sarabee1995 · 26-30, F

@KarateAaron Shhhh 🤫 ... That was just me daydreaming a bit. Don't let people know how truly crazy I am! 😉

th3r0n · 41-45, M

I guess I see that two ways

It would hurt me if that happened to me, but at the same time I would never act like he has

sarabee1995 · 26-30, F

@th3r0n A lesson had to be learned. 🤭

SomeMichGuy · M

@sarabee1995 If you could read it as something which someone else told you, I don't think you'd revel in the behavior of the teller.

sarabee1995 · 26-30, F

@SomeMichGuy So I was too harsh?

vetguy1991 · 51-55, M

An entire relationship in a few minutes?

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vetguy1991 · 51-55, M

@sarabee1995 still pretty fast

Yulianna · 22-25, F

@sarabee1995 🤣🤣🤣

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GJOFJ3 · 61-69, M

sarabee1995 · 26-30, F

@GJOFJ3 Lol, believe me ... I'm not lacking for content on the trials and tribulations of singledom. I could write books on the things guys say and do to try to catch my interest. 🙄

For the record ... I am happily single. 😁

SomeMichGuy · M

...o...k.

I'm glad I didn't see the other posts, but this one...

sarabee1995 · 26-30, F

@SomeMichGuy ... but this one... what?

TheSirfurryanimalWales · 61-69, M

Naughty Sara😀.
Loved the update.

sarabee1995 · 26-30, F

@TheSirfurryanimalWales Lol, this qualifies me for the moniker "naughty"??? 😲

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